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@Stu_F
This one's a bit disgusting but it's the only one I know:
One afternoon, three tramps, were walking through Hyde Park when they came across something on the path in front of them. They were a little worse for wear after sharing a bottle of meths they’d found outside Gloucester Rd tube station, so were confused as to what the small brown lump could be
"What do you reckon that is?” asked the first tramp, pointing to the steaming mound on the floor.
“Well, it’s probably a turd, innit, loads of dogs about. But I know a way we can find out – by smelling it!” the second tramp exclaimed.
Kneeling down above the sweating lump he placed his nose a few centimeters above it’s wet surface and took a long, deep sniff. Choking and recoiling with disgust he shouted, “Orrr! That’s a turd alright!”
The first tramp wouldn’t take his word for it and declared “That’s no way to tell, I’ll decide for myself whether that really is a shit, or you’re just faking it. What you need to do is touch it.”
The first tramp reached down towards the trembling mound and stuck his thumb and forefinger into its centre. After a quick rub to gauge the texture and temperature, the second tramp was convinced and announced “Yep, definitely a shite, no question!”
The third tramp, a veteran of the streets and never one to do things by halves, decided he’d had enough. “Out the way, you pansies, there’s only one definitive way to tell if that’s a shit or not”. Scooping up the remains of the slimy material on the path into his hand, the third tramp paused for moment, then shoved the lot into his mouth.
“Eurrgh, that’s awful! No doubt about it, what we have here is a freshly laid dog shit!
Good job we didn’t step in it”