Jokes / Joke du jour!

in the 21st century its 'somersaults'

how do you get down from an elephant ?

You don't. You get down from a goose ;)

Dear JB haters,
I owe my life to Justin Bieber.
On March 9th 2009, i was in a coma for 6 months after a terrible car crash.
One day, my nurse came in and turned to radio to one of Justin's songs.
So i got up, and turned the radio off...

what is the difference between a duck ?

and this is a repost i did the original in this thread a while back but though it needed another airing !

Magic Recipe
Ingredients:

Long grass
Garlic
Basil
Pine nuts
Olive oil

Instructions:

Thresh the grass and throw the seeds away. Put the stalks in a low oven to dry them thoroughly. While that's happening, crush the garlic, chop the basil and pine nuts put them in a jar with the olive oil, screw down the lid and shake well.

Take the grass out of the oven and arrange on a serving plate. Drizzle over the sauce. And ...

Hay Pesto!

what is the difference between a duck ?

and this is a repost i did the original in this thread a while back but though it needed another airing !

one of its legs is both the same

what does salvador dali have for breakfast?

Nothing. he's dead.

doh !
i'm gonna spend my remaining time at work this afternoon in the littlest room thinking of a brand new joke

my dog's got no nose

how does it smell?

It can't. I had it shot because it didnt have a nose.

A horse walks into a bar.

Several people immediately recognise the inherent danger in the situation and leave.

What's the fastest food?

scone

I dont pronounce scone in the right way for it to be funny, sorry.

yes it is more an audio joke

What did Batman get for Christmas from his mum and dad?

Nothing they are both dead.

A priest, a rapist and a pedophile walk into a bar...

...and that was just the first guy

A priest, a rapist and a pedophile walk into a bar...

...he orders a drink

ftfy

A priest, a rapist and a pedophile walk into a bar...

...and that was just the first guy

ace!

much better
curses, why didn't i think of that !

Dear whoever stole my copy of Microsoft Office - I will track you down. You have my Word

why do you have to put little plastic ends on your cable housing?

Them's fe rules.

Bought a dog from a blacksmith the other day.

As soon as we got home he made a bolt for the door.

Why did the Policeman cross the road?

To unlawfully kill an innocent man

lolz!

oh.

why did cinderella never make it as a track cyclist?

because her coach was a pumpkin.