Does anyone know anything about gardening?

I've been having sex, with courgettes!

Before you get all over excited, let me elucidate. I've got some courgettes in my garden, some are boys and some are girls and both produce little baby courgettes, which is nice. But the boy ones are rubbish and small, and, if not pollenated, so are the girls. As the bees round these parts seem a bit lazy I've been doing plant sex stuff, furiously rubbing on the boy parts with a cotton bud and spreading that sex powder onto the lady bits of the girl plants.

As you can imagine, this made me super horny, and I know you're getting off on this too, you filthy gardeners. Once impregnated, I could see my courgette growing by the second, reaching a tumescence previously reserved solely for Peter North. By now my cotton bud was saturated with both boy and girl love juice and my meagre back garden had turned into an orgy!

I'm off for a little lie down.

Pics or it didn't happen.