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@Bobbo
Jeremy Beadles mother was very "accommodating" downstairs which is sadly why he has a deformed hand.
When the time came for him to exit the womb her bucket like proportions meant that there was no need for contractions he was able to just come out, a bit like a messy waterslide, he didn't even touch the sides and therefore his mum didn't notice. Unfortunately when the last part of his body, his right hand, was passing through is mother's cervix a rare medical phenomenon occurred and her snatch spontaneously tightened up becoming like that of a 50 year old nun. This unfortunate turn of events meant that the young MR Beadle spent the first three weeks of his life dangling by his right hand between his mother's legs, as the umbilicus was still attached he survived, however the blood supply had been cut off from his hand for so long that its growth was permanently stunted.