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@deerfaced
Managed to snap the little lock tab on my SD card. Thinking it wouldn't matter, popped it back in the x100.
Apparently, the little tab makes it writable, so the card is fucked without it. Somehow, the plastic above the tab also splintered off, and made the card completely stuck in the camera.
Fucking shit frightening.
Finally got it out, with what looks like no damage to the camera. Who made those little tabs so flimsy!?