• I'm clearly not worthy of my 30% dickhead composition. My flat is in east London but it's on the fucking Isle of Dogs. Nowt hipster down there unless I'm trending it as the new place to be. Doubt it, most people have jobs down there. I don't own purple leggings, I have no tattoos, no facial hair, I never hang around London Fields let alone take pictures of the fucking place and I don't wear jewellery. I don't own an iPhone. Granted I do all of this with a sense of mind blowing irony but I demand a recount. There's no way I'm mainstream enough to be a dickhead.

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