British Military Fitness

When my mate Denny heard about being paid to be in the T.A. he joined up straight away, the tight fucker.
He trained up as a medic, but he was really there for the dosh.
He used to crow on about the great weekends away, scampering through woodland, dossing down in tents like a bunch of cub scouts, pissing about in big khaki wagons.
He loved it.

Then they shipped him to Afghanistan for six months, in the front line.
Oh, how I laughed.

Six months of patching up locals who had got their arms and faces blasted off whilst trying to reclaim the metal from unexploded ordnance, six months of sniper fire, six months of openly wanking in a tent over tatty porn mags in front of half a dozen other blokes who are also wanking whilst trying to avoid eye contact.

Hur hur hur...

You kill me Lucy, ha ha ha!!!

Dogs get on my tits.

Cats get on my lap.

Yeh, I've seen this crowd in Hyde Park near the lake on numerous occasions. Looks pretty cringe-worthy.

Yeah, the fat mothers you see doing it usually don't look like they will last long, or certainly haven't made much progress if they have..

Particularly amusing when you see them receiving crushing looks of disdain from the London district regs and local TA that also do PT in the park.

Cats get on my lap.

Or my fucking desk.

One of my old friends was really into his fitness, especially the martial elements. Really in to boxing and MMA and stuff like that. He was in pretty good shape, but just a bit weird. An odd dude.

Anyway, aparently, one night when he was walking home from the pub this Doberman come howling out of the night at him, jaws agape and snarling. It jumped right at him so he KILLED the fucking thing. Punched it and stamped on its chest and shit. He thought it was out for his neck so he went no-holds-barred on this poor dog.

Next thing he knows, some middle-aged woman in a pink puffa jacket is calling out for Clarence or something, and turns the corner to find Jake standing over her dog, bloody fists and breathing hard. He fucking legs it, almost understandably, when the realisation dawns on him that it was probably not trying to attack him.

Horrid story, turns my stomach to this day. Probably a decent enough reason to keep dogs on a lead though...

Probably a decent enough reason to keep dogs on a lead though...

Errr, Because your unstable nob of a mate thinks he's some kind of MMA champ? Not really.

One of my old friends was really into his fitness, especially the martial elements. Really in to boxing and MMA and stuff like that. He was in pretty good shape, but just a bit weird. An odd dude.

Anyway, aparently, one night when he was walking home from the pub this Doberman come howling out of the night at him, jaws agape and snarling. It jumped right at him so he KILLED the fucking thing. Punched it and stamped on its chest and shit. He thought it was out for his neck so he went no-holds-barred on this poor dog.

Next thing he knows, some middle-aged woman in a pink puffa jacket is calling out for Clarence or something, and turns the corner to find Jake standing over her dog, bloody fists and breathing hard. He fucking legs it, almost understandably, when the realisation dawns on him that it was probably not trying to attack him.

Horrid story, turns my stomach to this day. Probably a decent enough reason to keep dogs on a lead though...

I couldnt help but laugh at the story, probably because all of us know the kind of person that you describe, when you think about it though it's a horrible story.

TBF I'd shit myself if a Doberman jumped out at me. I wouldn't be strong enough to kill it, so I'd probably try and reason with it.

stamped on its chest and shit

Pretty much the only useful counter attack a human has against a muscly dog is to attack its solar plexus with knees, feet, head or anything.
I dont think defacating on its twitching carcass wins any extra points though.

I know quite a few blokes who are BMF instructors. The vast majority are Army qualified PTIs, but they do also employ civvy personal trainers.
I've been to a few classes and I was pretty impressed. It's basically exactly the same as an army PT session, but they grade the lessons according to ability and you do get a slow group of fat knackers who barely do more than wobble a bit. Every so often one of these will catch the fitness bug and start doing proper exercise, so it does benefit somebody.
The top fitness group with a good instructor is brutal. If you had the money and the time to do a couple of sessions a week you'd be seriously fit. They also organize skiing trips and stuff, and their Christmas party is legendary.
One of the guys who started the whole thing off is a mate of mine. He started taking a small group out training in the park because he couldn't be arsed to get a proper job, and it's snowballed into something huge. He's as surprised as anyone else at how popular it's got.

i used to go 2-3 times a week. if you do it that much it turns out not so expensive per session. i made it up to the top group and yes it was brutal, but i have never been so fit in my life. my core was ridiculous. i am the kind of person who is motivated to exercise and keep fit, but need to someone to push me to the max. the only reason i stopped i because i had to, due to my accident. incidentally, the doctors said the reason i didn't get any more seriously injured was because i was so fit and strong.

Was your accident during the "Army" fitness session?

nope, it was cycling to work. me vs lorry.

Errr, Because your unstable nob of a mate thinks he's some kind of MMA champ? Not really.

Dog should have been on a lead and not bounding down the pavement towards strangers.

Owners fault, dog suffers.

"One of the guys who started the whole thing off is a mate of mine. He started taking a small group out training in the park because he couldn't be arsed to get a proper job, and it's snowballed into something huge. He's as surprised as anyone else at how popular it's got."[/QUOTE] Bad Science

this is interesting, shows how things do occur, start doing something, it gets momentum, get a website and hey presto the whole world knows.

right off to make billions on my workplace Tai Chi videolink live sessions for stressed executives project.

Six months of patching up locals who had got their arms and faces blasted off whilst trying to reclaim the metal from unexploded ordnance, six months of sniper fire, six months of openly wanking in a tent over tatty porn mags in front of half a dozen other blokes who are also wanking whilst trying to avoid eye contact.

Hur hur hur...

always with the wanking..

Errr, Because your unstable nob of a mate thinks he's some kind of MMA champ? Not really.

Yeah, that was pretty much my point. There ARE unstable bastards and bigger dogs and trucks on the road and such, and unless you are fairly confident that your dog won't run into the road or jump at strangers and stuff, for it's own safety maybe a lead is better?

I think dogs should be able to run freely, but in a larger city this obviously isn't always possible. It's not only about annoying other people, it's about safety for the animal too.

I've always thought that you can tell more about someone by how they treat animals than by how they treat humans, usually.

I did it for a couple of years. Just riding a bike is not enough of a full workout for me so I have always done other things - swimming running on the side.

They stuck me in the green group which is the one that makes you feel a bit sick when you get to the end.

If you hate the gym and get bored by repetitive exercises the I would recommend it.
I don't remember being shouted at - they are just not very nice to you, which I quite like - I wasn't there to make any friends.

Most squaddie's are cocks though IMO.

Did the app this morning (two or three times a week). It's still good to me. Basically a well presented (slightly patronising but def not shouty) formula for many various, bespoke circuits to get the old limbs burning and the lungs busting. And it's free (once you've bought it - as it were). Never done the one with real life polo shirted squaddies, don't really want to. But if you want a good work out which builds in intensity as you need it to and you live near enough to a bit of open space, it beats paying to watch hoodie divs sit on the machines at the gym, texting their mates and checking their abs in the full length mirrors.

Just riding a bike is not enough

You Make Me Sick.
;-)

Most squaddie's are cocks though IMO.

Most people are cocks, squaddies don't have a monopoly.

Everyone who can't dress himself and who has to ask for a permission to go out is a cock.

Scrap that. It would include married men as well.

Originally Posted by HatBeard
*As greenwich park is closed in the evenings over winter all of the fitness groups have moved out onto blackheath and running round with my tri group on tuesdays there's a couple of other groups about.

the thing I find amusing is there's a group which up until the new year was entirely composed of women who unpack a whole gyms worth of free weights, kettlebells and all sorts of other exercise paraphenalia from their cars just down from our meeting point and have at it and from running laps past them most weeks it's patently obvious they work out much harder than the brit milfs that we encounter when we train on the other side of the heath. they don't have any camo'd up drill sergeant screaming at them, they just turn up and get on with it. whenever the bmf are setup near us they seem more interested in watching what we're doing rather than the situps/press-ups they're supposed to be doing.*

I think you failed at the point you said "my tri group" ...

... I trained with Blackheath BMF for a couple of years, and as a large group there's a fair mix. But please, come along and give one of the "greens" a race next time and see how your group compare. Overall, it's a very social bunch and quite unjudgemental. Unlike other people ^^^

Edited to add: oh yeah, I met my wife there.

I think you failed at the point you said "my tri group" ...

... I trained with Blackheath BMF for a couple of years, and as a large group there's a fair mix. But please, come along and give one of the "greens" a race next time and see how your group compare. Overall, it's a very social bunch and quite unjudgemental. Unlike other people ^^^

Edited to add: oh yeah, I met my wife there.

actually reading my post back I agree that I was being a bit of a cnut there, it was meant in a lighthearted way but I do come across as a judgemental dick.

no offense was intended, honestly and I'm certain there's plenty of people in the groups in much better shape than me and in reality I think anyone who's trying to get fit at any level is a fantastic thing. I just succumbed momentarily to keyboard warriordom (if that's a word) so sorry for any offense caused.