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@deleted
Use some inventiveness. Flying planes is easy - I've been doing it for years. Stroll about till you find an unattended peaked cap - there are loads around airports - then walk purposefully towards an aircraft. If you see anyone female, just say "weeeel heeeello" in the style of Terry Thomas, and for blokes, just scowl a lot; no one will suspect a thing.
Hop aboard, fire her up, and you're on the way home. Don't forget to take the handbrake off. Head East till you see big land, then turn left till you see the big white cliffs. Then aim for the big smelly blob with a Gherkin in the middle.
Should be back in time for a swift half before closing if you get a wiggle on.