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  • I dones a whole loads of Matt Cardle (X Factor winner) jokes today, varying degrees of awfulness - thing to bear in mind is that Matt is (soon will be again when 'career' inevitably bombs) a painter and decorator:

    I heard the first thing Matt is going to do with his winnings is splash out on a new undercoat

    After winning the X Factor last night, Matt went out to paint the town Magnolia

    There wasn't a dry seat in the house when Matt sang last night. He forgot to put the wet paint signs on the chairs

    The thing about Matt is, he's not some fly by night amateur. He's a serious recording Artex

    Nice to see Matt win last night and take the Crown. Although he usually prefers the coverage you get with Dulux

    When Matt announces his tour dates I tell ya I will be first in the B&Q for tickets

    Matt only won the X Factor due to the fans in his town - apparently it's a huge Homebase of support

    Some people slated Matt's vocals as lacking depth, but for me they were full of pure emulsion

    The X Factor winner Matt Cardle is very popular but personally speaking he gets on my Wickes

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