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@EB
I dones a whole loads of Matt Cardle (X Factor winner) jokes today, varying degrees of awfulness - thing to bear in mind is that Matt is (soon will be again when 'career' inevitably bombs) a painter and decorator:
I heard the first thing Matt is going to do with his winnings is splash out on a new undercoat
After winning the X Factor last night, Matt went out to paint the town Magnolia
There wasn't a dry seat in the house when Matt sang last night. He forgot to put the wet paint signs on the chairs
The thing about Matt is, he's not some fly by night amateur. He's a serious recording Artex
Nice to see Matt win last night and take the Crown. Although he usually prefers the coverage you get with Dulux
When Matt announces his tour dates I tell ya I will be first in the B&Q for tickets
Matt only won the X Factor due to the fans in his town - apparently it's a huge Homebase of support
Some people slated Matt's vocals as lacking depth, but for me they were full of pure emulsion
The X Factor winner Matt Cardle is very popular but personally speaking he gets on my Wickes