What to say to a bad road user

I'm usually the passive type as I know aggression doesn't work with angry drivers. they just get pissed off more.
I tend to feel sorry for most of the drivers in my city. About 60% of them are considerate but the rest are insane. At traffic lights people regularly beep at me(In the car) for not pulling away like a drag racer the second the lights turn green.
The abuse that learner drivers receive here is shameful too.
These people cannot be 'educated' through aggressive or passive words - They are always right.

There is a TV show called 'Uwaga Pirat' it's a bit like a traffic cop documentary and about 30% of people when caught say 'sorry, my bad' and the rest have a combination of - 'it's not fair that you are in an unmarked car', 'I've never been caught/had a crash before so I must be a good driver', 'yes I broke the law but it's ok cause I know what I'm doing' and each episode there are a couple of people who say something like 'Cool, I get to be on TV' or 'am I the fastest you got today?'

All these from people driving in a country with some of the worst road statistic in Europe - Poland.

"Fuck the fuck off you retarded vacuous chav scum cunt" was a phrase I used the other day.

They went puce with rage, but were stuck in traffic.

Yep, a good sweary rant does wonders. I save them for those particularly special, life threatening occasions now. So about once a week...

Most days I just say nothing and keep trundling along, after all I'm the one having fun while they are listing to some shit radio station and hating life.

I mutter all maner of things under my breath, engaging mindless idiots in "conversation" seems like a waste of energy.

Only if you think they are going to ram you should you pull over and let them through.

??!

Only if you think they are going to ram you should you pull out your D-lock, smash their windows and beat them to a senseless pulp.

??!

Last Thursday I was coming home from a lesson when I was beeped from behind by a large van who also tried to get past me; he couldn't because I was taking the lane in a very narrow, one-way, street with cars parked and three speed bumps along it's short length. I made a mental note of the company name and as soon as I got home phoned them to find out who I should e-mail to complain about the incident. The woman I spoke to was entirely sympathetic. I sent off a polite but firm, and factual, e-mail.
Today I received this response.

Dear Mr. XXXXXXX,

Thank you for your e-mail regarding the driving of one of our operatives.

Please rest assured that this is certainly not the type of behaviour we either condone or expect from our employees; complaints of this type are treated very seriously indeed.

We have checked our vehicle tracking system and can advise you that the driver in question has been suspended from duty and will be the subject of a disciplinary hearing next week.

On behalf of the Company, please accept our sincere apologies for this driver’s lack of respect for his fellow road users.

Yours sincerely

XXXXXX XXXX

[B][/B] Office and HR Manager

as someone in comedy that I cant remember once said,
"thats the way to do it"

Yup, seems like a decent result. One element is that I did not get a good enough look at the driver that I would have been able to give a proper description; but when the woman I spoke to said all their vehicles have tracking I knew the guy was not going to be able to deny it. Maybe worth noting for people who have trouble with other company vans.
Also I did play up my 'credentials' to make sure that any preconceptions they might have about cyclists, or any lies told by the driver, would be hard to sustain.

yes nice one,
just went round the corner to pick up a bit of tripe for me tea and remembered who it was,
Mr Punch

after all I'm the one having fun while they are listing to some shit radio station and hating life.

^^^this^^^^

I try to avoid altercations on the road as much as possible, so it's rare when I have one but usually it's a proper sweary one. I can't help it when some muptard ranting at me.

I find either sarcasm or pointing out the futility of their actions works well and is satisfying too.
Like if someone is desperate to get past, beeping, revving etc then when they can they accelerate hard and pass you but you catch up at lights a couple minutes later you just say something like "Your moving along aren't you?", "Not very fast, that car, is it?" or simply "In a rush are we?" or "You again?".

If they do it again, shout "See you shortly" as they pass then repeat as above at the next set of traffic lights.

ANY VAN DRIVER.

"Is it just you, or is your whole family 'kin retarded?"

I haven't actually used that, yet.

To Jeremy Clarkson: "Don't call me gay cos there's a 'kin prick up my arse."

Riding home tonight I was bellowed at from the passenger side of a transit. Just a random bellow I suppose to worry me. As the van stopped at the lights and I pulled up alongside, the (very sterotypically Ginster holding) skinhead was smiling at me and I smiled back and said 'Nice!'. He seemed unsettled and over the two traffic lights that followed and we ended up side by side he wouldn't meet my eye.

Although I do RLJ alot, I do not if it means I'm scaring pedestrians or causing traffic to brake, and definitely the best way of dealing with irate motorists or peds is a wink or a blown kiss, perhaps enhanced with a 'Don't let this spoil your day!'

I give them a sound dose of nonchalance.

Depends on the situation. the other day was riding on a medium size road, a cabbys just infront of me and suddenly starts to pull over. So Im basically being run into the curb sideways by this idiot, hes in a massive toyota people carrier so hes too far ahead of me so i can wave my arm and stop him running me over, only thing I could do was bash the window. That got his attention. We had a shouting match for about 400yards up the road whilst gong along, aprently he was going to get out of his cab and 'fuck me in the ass'. Ha. I told him to get out then...he didnt. After repeatedly telling him he didnt look when he was pulling over and couldve dragged me underneath the car he finally admitted he was in the wrong, more shouting and no apology then just sped off. Taxi drivers are assholes.

Not to undermine anyone's testimonials here but in eight years of cycle commuting in London I have found it's not the cabbies' or buses that are the problem but rather pedestrians or other cyclists. Starting about 8 months ago I've given myself an extra 10 minutes for my commute because I'm happy not to fight with all the Summer cyclists who hop onto curbs and undertake. Fuck them. Come mid November I'm very much looking forward to emptyish roads once all the fair weather cyclists figure they'd trade an extra hour on the bus for splattering their CTW designer Bianchi with Winter muck. Rant over!

I rarely seem to get involved in altercations but I've found being both polite, and a little ambiguous, can help.

Recently I found a rather swish sports car revving and beeping behind me - despite me going around 20mph and both of us clearly heading towards the same inevitable red light. In the end he did a ridiculous burst of acceleration to get past and had to skid to a halt at the light.

As I cruised up beside him the predictable whirr of the electric window was heard so I peered in, smiled my most genuine smile and asked "first time in London is it?". He went bright red, spluttered slightly, and his eyes gave that tell-tale glint of panic/confusion as he tried to frantically work out what point I was making (I wasn't completely sure myself at this point - but it seemed quite apt) and a suitable reposte.

In the end he wound his window up in silence.

[I'm embarrassed to say I deliberately went out of my way to keep up with him, as effortlessly as possible of course, for the next 2 miles - just to hammer home whatever point I was making]

[I'm embarrassed to say I deliberately went out of my way to keep up with him, as effortlessly as possible of course, for the next 2 miles - just to hammer home whatever point I was making]

That's my normal MO, works if there's a normal amount o traffic, but early or late the cars will generally get away from me, as Milbank/embankment Northside has to be one of London's faster moving thoroughfares.

WW's successful complaint story....

Dude, hats OFF! Sterling effort. Congrats. 100% the correct attitude, behaviour and response in my book. Great outcome too.

I am very much in the keep calm and be polite boat - ignoring people is often a good option. As others have noted, people who are driving poorly/acting aggressively or shouting are not being reasonable and I don't find sinking to their confrontational level is effective - nor do I think it improves the situation overall.

In the past I gave made wanker gestures and been abusive. In one case this prompted a driver to stop suddenly in a line of traffic ahead and then drive alongside me asking me to pull over so we could fight. When I refused and apologised for being rude (explaining that his too-close overtake had been what had provoked me) he somewhat ran out of steam and recommended I not do it in the future as 'someone might stab you'. Reflecting on the experience, I didn't feel that my retaliatory behavior had helped the situation so resolved to not lower myself in the future.

Nowadays I point at parked cars or other hazards I might be avoiding, smile at people if I can make eye contact and as often just do not react when someone wrong-headedly honks or abuses me for my choice of position. I find it a better policy than getting dragged into being abusive.

I haven't read all of the responses but are you doing that belligerent riding in the middle of the lane for two and a half mile thing?
I imagine that would bring bad vibes.

So now it's winter and windows aren't open, they can't hear you.
What do you do to bad drivers?

I need tips on how to stay calm too. Endangering my life makes me angry, I'd rather not make the situation worse by mouthing expletives, but in such a short window of retaliation, I mean explanation, what else should I do?

Keeping soft rock ballads stuck in my head keeps me calm.

I mean, how can you be anything other than calm with this in your head?

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DgTR1SPqOFk