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@jaw
A man in a London Tesco tries to buy half a cauliflower. The very young produce assistant tells him that they only sell whole cauliflowers. The man persists and asks to see the manager. The boy says he'll ask his manager about it.
Walking into the back room, the boy said to his manager, Some prat out there wants to buy half a cauliflower.
As he finished his sentence, he turned to find the man standing right behind him, so he added, and this kind gentleman has kindly offered to buy the other half.
Later the manager said to the boy, I was impressed with the way you got yourself out of that situation earlier. We like people who think on their feet here. Where are you from, son?
Liverpool, sir, the boy replied.
Well, why did you leave Liverpool? the manager asked.
The boy said, 'Sir, there's nothing but whores and footballers up there.'
Really? said the manager. My wife is from Liverpool.
Your kidding? replied the boy. Who did she play for?