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@deleted
Well, 18, 19, when you get to my age you young people all look the same.
Just relax a bit, people have got off to worse starts than you and your enthusiasm for bikes will count for a lot on here.
You do sound like you could do with improving your road positioning though; the middle of the road is the right place to be if the alternative is being squeezed in to the gutter. It's hard to discuss specific situations without seeing them - or a Google map link? - but generally being more assertive, taking the space you need to be able to ride safely and making car drivers aware of your presence is a good thing.