I also think Armstrong carries a fear which goes well beyond the one that all dopers have. It is one thing to be caught and sanctioned as a cyclist, it is another to be exposed as having lied to millions of cancer sufferers, to have, essentially, offered them false hope, a mendacious narrative that they were supposed to be able to apply to their own lives and their own futures. However much he tells himself that the end has justified the means, however many dollars he can say he has raised, the fear of the shame that exposure would engender and the ostracism and the contempt that would be directed at him must be a horrible thing to carry around.
I also think Armstrong carries a fear which goes well beyond the one that all dopers have. It is one thing to be caught and sanctioned as a cyclist, it is another to be exposed as having lied to millions of cancer sufferers, to have, essentially, offered them false hope, a mendacious narrative that they were supposed to be able to apply to their own lives and their own futures. However much he tells himself that the end has justified the means, however many dollars he can say he has raised, the fear of the shame that exposure would engender and the ostracism and the contempt that would be directed at him must be a horrible thing to carry around.