Tip

deleted

Has this happened to you?

@Hanson - yeah, happened this morning on the way to work. Have deleted the post though - not proud of myself...

What happened? Was it that embarrassing that you had to delete it? Or is it something serious?

Fuck it.

So I’m on my way to work, riding along Highbury New Park towards Balls Pond when a car pulls up alongside and someone leans out and whacks me on my arse, hard enough to push me into the gutter & off me bike. It’s a bunch of young lads and they drive off pissing themselves laughing. I’m ok – couple of grazes I notice later – and my bike’s fine, but I’m fucking incandescent – pushing cyclists off their bikes for shits & giggles is not ok with me. So I get back on my bike and chase them down, keeping them in sight and eventually catching them up on Balls Pond near the Highbury Corner junction – they’re stuck waiting for the lights to change, I’m in the bus lane. So I pull up by them, stop and say “what the fuck, you pushed me of my bike, what the fuck do you think you’re doing” (etc…). The guy sitting in the back seat’s just pissing himself and says “nice arse” and so, and this is the bit I’m really not proud of, I kick the side of their car in.

Just to be absolutely clear: kicking the side of their car in was the wrong thing to do – it’s criminal damage, it’s not big, and it’s not clever. I should definitely have been cool – way, way out of character for me to get aggressive, no matter how furious I was that they’d just pushed me off my bike.

So anyway, 2 of the guys jump out of the car and just go ape-shit – threatening violence, threatening to take my wallet, to take my bike, then one of them grabs my arm and starts taking whacks at me, the traffics’ backed up, there’s crowds of people (it’s by a bus stop) etc…, I’m pushing them off using my bike. Frankly, I’m shitting myself – the words “get the fucking shank” put the fear of god into me (even though in retrospect there was probably no “shank”).

So a biker stops and tries to calm things down, a couple of cops aren’t too far away, and as luck would have it we’re outside the Police Community Support office and one of the officers who’s there to open up sees the guys pushing me around and hears them threatening to take money off me.

Long story, short and a shed load of cops and cop cars later – the police say they can either arrest the lads for assault but also me for criminal damage, or we can all agree to let it go. There are no witnesses to them pushing me off my bike and I don’t want a criminal record, so we all agreed to let it go.

So the tip was: don’t kick in the side of someone’s car, even if they’re complete wankers.

Were they right about your ass?

Get in! What a bag of dick-shankers.

But you can't let these fucktards get away with it.

1 vote for cyclists carrying a water pistol full of natures yellow water, and hosing these chancers down.

Syringe full of paint stripper FTW!

might take some time mind.

If you're gonna smash someone's someones car up then make sure you have a get away. Preferably the wrong way down a one way street.

I had a similarish incident last yeah where a guy nearly took me out in earls court missing me by millimetres, on a clear day on an empty street. I asked him if he had seen me and he went mental. I saw red at the fact he wouldn't even acknowledge the fact he had nearly killed me and booted out his front headlight and indicator. Realised what i had done, scarpered off down a one way system. Changed tops, started on my route again, passed the guy parked up on the highstreet, still didn't recognise me.

Last time i ever listened to McKlusky on the bike. Minimal techno from then on.

@skunkworks: depends - do you like 'em middle-aged white & hairy?

@skunkworks: depends - do you like 'em middle-aged white & hairy?

In every form I can get them.

Your problem is that you kicked his car. This is an indication that you are not crazy enough.

What you should have done was smashed the living shit out of the windows and doors with your d lock.
It is important to escalate your violence to a level where they are scared to get out of the car because you are clearly a psychopathic maniac.

^^ And then escape down a one way road.

While squirting paint stripper from a syringe at anyone else foolish enough to continue chasing you...

I think we're all done here...

While squirting paint stripper from a syringe at anyone else foolish enough to continue chasing you...
from my white hairy middle aged arse.

So the tip was: plan your escape route before kicking in the side of someone’s car

fixed.

Similar thing happened to me when a few years ago as a ped. Some kids (about 16-19) in a corsa just chucked a bottle of tizer over me. Then sped off only to get stuck in a queue for a level crossing. I flipped out and ran after them, and saw the guy who throw it still had his window open. I swung my left arm in and felt contact, at which point they started to speed off. I was surprised at myself for flipping out like that, and even more surprised that they sped off. The moment I hit him I suddenly realised there was 4 of them and shat myself, but they desperately managed to squeeze round the queue in the opposite lane and leg it.

I completely understand getting enraged, but a you say, you regret it very quickly.

Syringe full of paint stripper FTW!

Oooop, there it is. Fucking great idea. Quick spurt and you're off. Loving that.

and this is the bit I’m really not proud of, I kick the side of their car in.

Fuck them the cunts, I would not be ashamed of doing that, I would be ashamed of doing nothing, they are lucky you targeted their car and not their teeth.

Fuck it.

So I’m on my way to work, riding along Highbury New Park towards Balls Pond......

I'm glad they felt angry. They deserved to be upset and lose out. Fools, endangering a vulnerable road users' life for a laugh.

That's twice this type of thing has happened in a week. Hopefully it isn't gonna become a trend.

had a similar altercation. not pushed off me bike but cut off pretty neatly and, to not crash, took a bunnyhop up the pave. checked out the two lads in the blue metallic ford escort (!) as they sped by.

when they had to stop a the very next red, i swung around and asked the driver, in a not cursingly angry way, if he does that often and Tbones people.

the driver who just looked straight ahead, instantly grabbed my arm and tries to pull me closer to the window, while swinging for a punch. i free myself with a step back, he wants to open the door.

i just kicked it right shut again and as the other guy got out and came around, i figured, it would be time to leave. dunno about their door ... and give a fuck, too.

i felt relaxed after that, as this shit happened so quickly, i usually would step back right out of harms way and have a frustrating after taste to deal with.

Follow them, approach the offender at a later time, and somehow.... abduct them. Drug them, then tattoo "paedo" on their forehead.