Birds reclaim stolen bike shocker. Pls Advise

1. "You picked the wrong girl"
   
2. "InYourFace"
   
3. "You do NOT mess with the fixed gear "community"" (air quote fingers on the "community" bit would be a bonus of 100 points)
   
4. "Don't steal bikes bro"
   
5. "Shame on you! This colour sucks!" :p
   
6. *Must waggle finger in face flicking Strada chilli oil into the eyes with hand on hip, beyonce style*
   
7. "Look, the tyres are still as when it was stolen. You can't even skid!"
   
   

Fixed, possibly.