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@ehren_fried_chicken
I know this is not quite the right thread but I'll post in it here anyway. This is an alias as I am frankly too embarrassed about my emotional confusion to use my real username.
I have been in this relationship with this guy for a about 2 1/2 years now but I have been unhappy for quite some time. I avoided physical contact, including sex, as well as tried not to be at home so much in order to not have to spend so much time with him. Last night we had an argument and I told him that I am not happy in this relationship. That scared him into some form of resignation/submission rather than anger, which makes me feel an absolute cunt.
He *really, really *likes being in a relationship and I think he would prefer a dysfunctional relationship to no relationship. He even said once that he is fine with me not loving him anymore. If we split he will feel extremely heartbroken. It is also his first relationship, which makes me feel even worse.
We are living together but he is about to move to his parents (was planned for a while) over the summer in 2 weeks. He has also just received an inheritance which he could use for travelling anywhere he wants to. He is 21 years old so there is plenty of time to find a mate that would be more suitable. Nevertheless I can't help but feeling that he hasn't deserved all this.
Now, I make him out to be some Mr Perfect but there have been plenty of times where I felt embarrassed or frustrated by our relationship, so I really, really should end this now and I think if I drag it out even more, it will get really ugly. I really think if I have doubts now I shouldn't commit to live with him another year.
What surprised me though is that, after telling him yesterday, my feelings changed from determination to end it to suddenly feeling a sense of loss and even hurt. I'm not sure if that me feeling bad for hurting him or if I have a genuine feelings left. I fluctuates from hour to hour.
I know this is a deeply personal situation and I don't really expect advice but to write it all down has helped me. Thanks for reading.