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@The_Seldom_Killer
As if by some coincidence, there was a woman in the industrial estate that I ride through every morning who looked like she was having trouble with her front wheel. I nearly rode on as per usual but then became paranoid that one of you sods was out to stitch me up so I stopped and offered assistance.
It turns out that the woman was had the mechanical aptitude to patch a puncture but was having trouble with her pump. It turns out that she only had a Schraeder fitting pump and Presta valves and was grateful of the loan. She denied any knowledge of being the minion of a London hipster overlord sent to test me but I will find out who it was and then people will be made to pay.