How do you get over someone you still love?

In your mind maybe.....

But I also know people don't always like having these things pointed out to them...

this is maybe dubious advice, but i found this quite helpful. i did this until i decided i didn't need to do it any more, and somedays it helped me get through the day:

lock yourself in your room and wallow. let yourself get lost in your sadness. put on stupid love songs and feel completely shit. let your soul crumble while you think about all the silly dreams that won't come true. cry your heart out; let yourself really really blubber. do it for as long as you need -- five minutes, 30 minutes, an hour -- then stop. wipe your tears. turn the music off. that's it. that's your wallowing time for the day. next time you can wallow is tomorrow, same time, same place.

then leave your room and get on with your life.

That is probably not a bad idea - it contains the sadness to a certain part of the day - and I have a tendancy to bottle my feelings up - it is quite hard for me to cry - I'll dig out the Al Green

YouTube - How do you mend a broken heart, Al Green
[URL="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uzitOsxKJNY&eurl=http%3A%2F%2Fvideo%2Egoogle%2Ecom%2Fvideosearch%3Fq%3DAl%2BGreen%2B%26hl%3Den%26emb%3D0%26aq%3D%2D1%26oq%3D&feature=player_embedded"][/URL
]

But I also know people don't always like having these things pointed out to them...

Have you had an incredible run of bad luck with one-night-stands? For the most part, I've found it to be a case of consenting adults have a laugh together. My wife says she feels the same way about her history of casual sex.

Sometimes the physical chemistry is amazing, sometimes it's so-so, and occasionally it doesn't really work, but no harm done. The few times I've felt that someone's been playing mind games with me, it's been far from 'unconscious' on their part, and at that point, it's fine to say, 'I'm not really into this, so bye-bye'.

Or am I missing something?

BTW, if you want some no-strings 'relations', Winston's well worth hooking up with - he wasn't mind-blowing or anything in the sack, but my god, he prepares the best post-sex breakfast you'll ever sample.

sorry to hear that.

Do a forest gump and go for a massive spontaneous run (or ride) across the continent.

^ Great advice. I'd add buying a punchbag and some gloves & then tear into the fucker as hard as you possibly can for as long as you possibly can every day. Get all of those negative thoughts and pent up aggression out on something inanimate.

Who said anything about pent up aggression?

Who said anything about pent up aggression?

I feel hurt but I feel nothing but love towards her

I think the idea was that your feelings of helplessness/sadness etc in the situation is frustrating and hitting something might lessen that..

I don't think goodhead was suggesting you had pent up physical aggression per se just that it was a turn of phrase..

Go on holiday somewhere hot or go on a little bike tour. When you come back it'll be all new beginnings for you! Or go and have your taro cards read.

Have you had an incredible run of bad luck with one-night-stands? For the most part, I've found it to be a case of consenting adults have a laugh together. My wife says she feels the same way about her history of casual sex.

Sometimes the physical chemistry is amazing, sometimes it's so-so, and occasionally it doesn't really work, but no harm done. The few times I've felt that someone's been playing mind games with me, it's been far from 'unconscious' on their part, and at that point, it's fine to say, 'I'm not really into this, so bye-bye'.

Or am I missing something?

BTW, if you want some no-strings 'relations', Winston's well worth hooking up with - he wasn't mind-blowing or anything in the sack, but my god, he prepares the best post-sex breakfast you'll ever sample.

I might just have to take him up on that - as long as I get that immortal line: "How d'you like your eggs? Fried or fertilised?"

Haven't had a bad run - but I'm more a long term relationship kinda guy. I had a couple-ish after a two year relationship went sour, but always ended up wanting more, emotionally speaking - so was more hurt in the long term. If TSB is coming off a 20 year relationship, I get the feeling it might be the same kind of thing - but then it's not up to me to say that. Emotionally I was quite naiive back then though - and having been in a relationship for 7 years, I haven't exactly been able to re-test my theory.

Sorry to Winston for being curt earlier - posting from my mobile didn't allow me to go into detail on why I was posting what I was. Hopefully the context helps.

Or go and have your taro cards read.
Tarot?

I can't see how that would help, people with hightened emotions often mis-interpret the reading anyway.

Although I could do the buddha's cards, my advice would be to go do something he always wanted to do but never did, for whatever reason.

relationships take up time, and if you are single you find you have a little more of it at your disposal, don't spend it drinking or wallowing in self-pity. Go learn to play that guitar, write that song* go do the parachute jump, learn the martial art, the language, visit the place you always wanted to go...

all that and more.

*even if you write sad songs, it's a cathartic process that shows how many artists have created their finest works when feeling at their lowest emotionally.

Never chase after three things, buses, trains and women. Your only achievement is looking foolish.

Never chase after three things, buses, trains and women. Your only achievement is looking foolish.

is that from the 'treat 'em mean, keep 'em keen' school of romance?!

haha, no.

move to nyc and sleep with art students

hey its been working for me.

pukes on cock

The pain now is modulating - I have moments when I can think about something else - I am trying to figure out what went wrong and to acknowledge my part in it - the most important thing is that I have now set myself a goal - in one years time whenever I think of this woman all want to feel is gratitude for the time we spent together and love - I have a choice now about how I think - remorse and regret - or gratitude for having such an amazing woman in my life - tomorrow morning I am going to start with moots' wallowing hour

move to nyc and sleep with art students

hey its been working for me.

Wondered why there are suddenly so many American art students in London.

Dont regret the time you spent with her. The whole thing has changed and shaped who you are as a person and that isn't a bad thing. I have been chasing someone who doesn't give a toss for a couple of years now and although it mostly seems an awful and painful waste of time, I can see that it has changed me and the way I think. When I get the balls to get the hell out and move on then I will be a much stronger person for it with some pretty cool memories too.

I think just take it a day at a time, dont drink and really try to enjoy the little things in life, birds, blue sky, the tactile gorgeousness of a brooks saddle etc

This suggestion will sound academic, but since I've learned about existentialism as a philosophical idea I'ver never been happier. As an atheist, its a compelling argument.

Nothing can avoid the inherent loneliness of life and ultimately, of death.

There is no inherent meaning in anything and it is up to you to create it. Material possesions, relationships cannot do it. All the freedom you want is in your mind; what is in your mind is literally all that you have.

Become comfortable with it. Don't fight it. Accept the pain. In time the acceptance will make the pain disapear, then you can begin on creating meaning and satisfaction in your life.

I hope it gets better. I would strongly urge therapy, not just for you but for all of us. It once helped me considerably in the past, albeit in different circumstances to you (v bad car crash).

I don't think Kant was an existentialist ;)

Yes, quite. Why do you have a picture of Kant as your avatar, Furtwangler?

At last is the age of kant?

At last is the age of kant?

Grammar?

Grammar?

Where? I didn't see no grammar.

Keep up at the back and wipe that cake off your face. ;)