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@woffle
I've been stopped once by a motorcycle policeman. He did the whole siren and flashing lights and then gave me the lecture - starting with "what are those funny lollypop-like light shaped things back there?" and ending with the spatula question. He was v.narky but didn't give me a ticket as I did the whole "yes-hociffer,no-hociffer,three-bags-full hoccifer spiel" like a good citizen.
A couple of days later I went through the same lights and then hit a pothole, then the kerb and landed flat on my face on the pavement in front of a pair of bobbies on the beat. Cue laughter and "that'll serve you right, you tit" from the oldest...