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I totally agree, but identity doesn't have to come from who your family were. I prefer my personality or distincitveness to come from what I have learned, the experiences that I have had. It's a very egocentric viewpoint, I grant that, but it works for me personally. I am a product of myself and my will to change who I was brought up to be and the life I once lived. Obviously these things have shaped me but they do not define me.

I am not arguing with your view point and we are all products of ourselves, but, our familys, along with other external sources, have influesced what we as individuals have become.