Girls and Bikes

I descended Dartmouth Park Hill. I was close to spinning out & the black citroen behind me was way to close for comfort. As I slowed for the lights at the bottom near Gospel Oak a sustained hiss announced a flat. The bird in the citroen behind beeped her horn & without turning to look, I gave her the finger.

She leaned out and enquired do you wanna lift?

I turned round and saw: Blue eyes, brown skin, black hair, bangs.
She had an immaculate ultra-short Bettie Page/ Chan Parker fringe, thick brows, eyes wide open.

What shall I do with my bike?
Shove it in the back! Came the reply.
It was one of those long low Citroen station wagons: So I stuck it in.

It was like getting into the car driven by Gloria Grahame at the beginning of Vincente Minelli’s The Cobweb, I’m the sensitive and so serious youth, skinny, angular and edgy and she’s so puffy and pouty and animated, all sensual and wriggly and the way she held her cigarette was the way Gloria Grahame held the steering wheel of the wood panelled Chevrolet station wagon with her white gloves, do you recall?

*Do you want a ride? *Enquires Gloria. So did blue eyed bangs.
*Do you want to talk? *Blue eyes also.
I could talk your eyes out.
Go on then.
Derain died the other day.
But, what would you know of Derain?!

• the handsome young and artistic mental patient stutters, spitting with contempt,
  *Actually, I do know Derain, a French painter, one of Les Fauves *
  
• answers the beautiful psychiatrist’s spouse, except it went like this:
  
  

And the car I climbed into upon her invitation was a Citroen CZ, a great long shark of a car, long low and sleek with a streamlined dashboard that made you think you were on the bridge of the Starship Enterprise. I was beginning to feel like William Shatner.

*Nice bike!*She said. She looked over her shoulder at my big ring and enquired turning to meet my eyes.
How many inches?
She knew about bikes then. She talked about liking blokes in lycra and about how she wanted to get a bike.

When we got to Camden I asked her to drop me round the back of Sainsbury’s.

It was only later when I was in the tea & coffee aisle that I realised that she had been hitting on me.

Sometimes, I’m real slow to catch on.

I inspire trashy romance where ever i go.