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Ifonlyiwerebelgian
itsbruce
mashton
Try shaving with a cutthroat just after you've chopped chili without properly scrubbing your hands. And then, as your mistake becomes bitingly clear, realise you put your contact lenses in without having properly neutralised the deep cleansing solution they'd been sitting in all night and you really need to get them out of your eyes right now.
Or don't. Particularly if your GP is as sarcastic as mine was.