I hate

Buy the squeezey bottles of golden syrup.

I regularly have to rinse the outside of our sticky squeezy honey bottle at home. It doesn't even wind me up anymore. CBD is great.

Utterly disconnected, un-associable backdrop photos in advertising.
Here’s one from Santander.
What the f has the legs of a pool swimmer got to do with where I put my money?
And why just his legs?

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This boring bastard at my work who brings up 'needing coffee' in every single fucking call.

Me 'How are you this morning?'
Him 'Oh, OK apart from I haven't had enough coffee yet HA HA HA'

Daily Stand-up

'How is everyone doing?'
'Oh fine apart from I definitely need another coffee AH HA HA HA HA HAH....'

Shut up you fucking idiot...

Small Talk in general. (See ^)

We had a similar coffee bore.

"Everyone should know not to talk to me before I've had my morning coffee!"

Fuck. Off.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yBJvVHryi9w

Develop a significant (but functional) marching powder habit, and turn in back on them.

Or meth, if you're feeling punchy.

My son has cooked chicken legs for my dinner yesterday and lunch today. They taste great but I truly hate having to eat with my fingers. I really struggle with greasy or sticky fingers. I end up with a pile of kitchen roll just eating one leg. It's almost like I obsessive compulsive behaviour.

I think I'd go with "well go and get another coffee then". Or start talking about conspiracies where big caffeine get people addicted for mind control purposes and you'd never let that shit get into your body. Or just preempt every conversation by loudly shouting "have you had your coffee yet?!?"

just preempt every conversation by loudly shouting "have you had your coffee yet

Add it to every meeting agenda as item 1

In comic sans with emojis

Put something in his coffee.

We do this with our 3 year-old every morning (albeit with crackers & major hangriness, rather than caffeine. because fuck me can you imaging that.)

Or take the caffeine out of it.

Exactly! It's his entire personality. Thing is he drinks fucking Nescafe instant. Cunt.

Broken glass

He'll just come back saying the same things in a more annoying voice.

"Addiction is a terrible affliction, I recommend seeking professional help as soon as possible"

Just start withholding coffee from them and then you'll never have to talk to them again.

I truly hate having to eat with my fingers. I really struggle with greasy or sticky fingers.

I know it's a first world problem but, fuck that shit, particularly in restaurants. I go there so I don't have to make any effort, not to debone a bit of some random avian which seems to require the dexterity of a Swiss watch maker combined with the knife skills of an assassin.

Thing is he drinks fucking Nescafe instant.

Don't judge. I drink Sainsbury's own brand Instant Gold Roast Decaf.

Cunt.

I haven't ruled out that applying to myself though.

own brand Instant Gold Roast

Any supermarket own gold roast is mine, it's totally fine and a third of the price of Nescafe.

A few decades ago we would all be chain smoking at our desks and having several pints of beer at lunchtime. That isn't acceptable in most workplaces today. Will caffeine go the same way?

Will vapes and pre-mix cocktails in a can take over?

Nah, because it's broadly harmless. The twats who act like above are just being twats as if it's their personality rather than a very mild addiction.