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The other thing is - I can lock up the wheels with 160mm front and back so the limitation here is tyre traction, not brake power.
It sounds more like you had a shit set of brakes or perhaps the brakes weren't bedded in and it's put the willies up you.
Get an MTB with huge rotors and 4-pot calipers and you're just gonna lock the wheels up and now you're not stopping because the tyre is sliding down the road (or more likely, you're on the deck)
Thank you! [and thanks @hippy and @snottyotter too]
Levers and callipers are I think 5800 (105).
Bike is a random custom steel I bought second hand. It has a 38cm tyre on it currently - it’s not a proper gravel frame but can fit 35s with mudguards front and rear. I think it will have enough clearance for a bigger disc on the front, I assume it depends on the angle the fork “leans in” towards the headset, ie how vertical the forks are vs the centreline of the bike?
Good to know they work for you, they are probably what I will get but want to work out if they’re absolutely the best first.
When I’m back in shape/a bit lighter it may matter less, but 100kg to 125kg is still a big leap!