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  • My godforsaken in-laws.

    If I have to listen to another Daily Mail inspired commentary on the state of the country I will fucking kneecap myself.

    Today they read a story about the reintroduction of bison in Kent. Top quotes included:

    “These people are completely insane.”

    “What will they do when a child gets eaten or something like that?” THEY’RE FUCKING HERBIVORES YOU ABSOLUTE PAIR OF FUCKING JOHNSONS

    “It says here they scratch tree trunks, so that’ll be the end of all the trees in Kent won’t it - thought these lefties liked trees?” NO YOU PIG IGNORANT FUCKS, PART OF THE AIM IS THAT THEY’ll GET RID OF NON-NATIVE SPECIES AND IN THAT PROCESS CREATE DEADWOOD FOR INVERTEBRATES AND LIGHT FOR REPTILES AND NATIVE PLANTS. SHOULDN’T THE IDEA OF SMASHING FOREIGNERS TO BITS APPEAL TO YOUR TINY FUCKING RACIST MINDS?!

    “All this time and money and for what? Insects? What do they matter?” AHHHHHHHHHHHH!

    There is no imaginable upside to getting into a fight with these people but it’s so hard to listen to. My wife has become a master at saying ‘and breathe’ with her eyes alone across the table which helps. If they ever vocalise these sorts of things in the presence of our kids though I will execute with extreme prejudice.

    It just baffles me how very well educated, well travelled people can so regularly end up down these rabbit holes of bitterness, negativity and small-mindedness and what seems like
    pure hate for anything and everything not within their little bubble.

    I’m going to go for a swim just so I can scream underwater for an hour. Thanks for listening.

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