Just the tip. Life Pro Tips

Yes having remembered the articles about pingers actually being measureably stronger (4-5times) then I have realised this is lethal advice.

Myth.

If you struggle to remember left from right, keep an egg in your left hand pocket. Or right hand pocket.

Never sniff your armpits to check if you smell or not whilst having a poo.

Never sniff when you have a mouthful of mouthwash.

I know

There a problem here?

Outdoorsy skills, no responsibility assumed, get training to make your own informed decisions, this might be satire:

If you’re going off grid, particularly somewhere inhospitable, tell someone your itinerary and send them a happy pic of yourself when you set out. If something happens, they’ll know where to send S&R and what colours to look for. If you’re leaving your car nearby, leave a copy of your itinerary facedown in the passenger seat.

If you get lost in the wilderness near a relatively frequented area, stay put unless it’s dangerous to do so. Whistle loudly to attract attention instead of yelling. Rivers don’t always lead to civilisation, they can lead to underground caves or cliffs. If you have to move, leave marks on trees, or pile up stones, or create arrows on the floor.

If you have to sleep rough, windchill is your main enemy, followed by the bare ground. Put leaves or sticks or any insulation between you and the ground. You can also stuff leaves in your clothes for warmth.

To signal someone with a reflection, use your dominant hand to grab the shiny object and put it on your forehead, extend your non-dominant arm and make a V with your fingers putting the object you want to signal in the middle, move the shiny object to shift the reflection back and forth between your fingers.

If you hold your arm out straight with your wrist at 90 degrees so your palm faces you, with your little finger resting on the horizon, each fingers height represents 15 minutes of daylight remaining so roughly an hour if the sun is resting on your index finger
Not super useful but occasionally comes in handy

This thread is like Viz top tips :

CYCLISTS: Avoid getting a sore behind by simply placing a naan bread over your saddle. This will comfort your ride and when you return home, hey presto! A warm snack.

J. Nettles II B.A. (hons)
Wilts.

@picco 😂😂😂😂

I use Costa coffee vending machines pretty often. When it comes to getting the plastic lid discard the first one and use the one behind it.

Oh yes, tips to increase our consumption of single use plastic. Now we’re talking!

But lessening our consumption of some other fucker's germs and shit off the top cap that they have handled and pushed back in.

Buy a small insulated flask and a water bottle. Fill them with tea / coffee and water and carry them with you. That way you can avoid having to buy disposable cups and lids, and buy from vending machines, and buy bottled water ever again.

If you see an antisocial vehicle such as an SUV with too much air in its tyres then unscrewing the valve cap and placing a single lentil inside it before replacing will cause the valve to open slightly, and the excess air to dissipate harmlessly in a few hours.

dissipate harmlessly in a few hours.

Assuming the owner doesn't start driving it in the meantime. It wouldn't be very harmless to have a slowly deflating tyre on the motorway.

I'm all for the tyre extinguishers btw. Devils advocate init

Just kill yourselves now and minimise everything.

And don't have kids, look at what humans are doing to this planet

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As a Larry David level germophobe, I can relate. However, my pro life tip: don’t drink bad coffee.

If you’re doing a DIY or manual task that is making you reflexively squint or avert your eyes, listen to your body and put eye protection on.

If you’re going swimming in very cold water, don’t immediately submerge your head or you elevate your risk of cold shock and passing out. Instead, go up to your ankles, knees, waist, rib cage, shoulders, then head, and get out if you feel lightheaded or your thinking becomes ’fuzzy’.

A good divorce is preferable to a bad marriage. This applies to all areas of life.

Whether it’s cheating, backstabbing, gossiping, or thieving, if they’ll do it with you, they’ll do it to you.

Toasted crumpet, butter, red currant jelly and peanut butter. Not only does this use up the redcurrant jelly from last christmas but the whole ensemble contains, maybe, a whiff of one of your five a day.

On a similar note - top beans on toast tip.

Cut your 3 pieces of toast in half diagonally (that should all go without saying).

Arrange the toast around the edge of the plate, a bit like a sun, or the Star of David ✡️.

That gives you a hole in the middle to put your beans in and stops your toast from going soggy! This is called the ‘bean hole’.

You’re welcome.