I hate

Cheese-powered lasers should be a thing.

Gloucestershire, Wisconsin, Emmental, Parma, and the Arly valley all become too powerful and break away into rogue cheese states. They ally with nearby grain and wine growing regions and morph into cheese based fiefdoms. It is the era of a charcuterie based global economies. The people are happy. But an uncomfortable alliance between vegans are rennet hating vegetarians threatens this cheesetopia.....

Films rights to this alternate history are available, via PM.

But an uncomfortable alliance between vegans are rennet hating vegetarians threatens this cheesetopia

Doomed to fail, though; the cheese nations can foresee their every move.

Tyromancy is a nice twist. We can share executive producer credits.

Surely it should be turophilecracy?

Cheese-powered lasers should be a thing.

I’ve never clicked back to a previous page, so see what’s been discussed, with more of a sense of urgency

I'd never heard of cheese lasers and for a brief moment a whole new world opened up.

When someone removes the nozzle from a garden hose, puts it aside, leaves it out over winter (-30 and worse), manages to find it after one has gone insane searching high and low, and expects a thank you.
For instance.

They might have done you a favour in some ways, my hose nozzle is fucked after leaving it attached to the hose with water in over winter.

Nope, I bring it indoors for the winter, and put it in the exact same place on the exact same shelf every time. At some point during the summer the nozzle was removed in order to install a soaker hose, which I was warned “is extremely delicate”. It was subsequently left in place over the winter.

Bars/clubs that have tvs plating music videos that don’t in any way match up to the songs they’re playing. Peckham Nags Head has two tv streams with music videos tonight and then they’ve just got music completely separate to it. Sort it for fucks sake.

I’ve been known to wile away the minute between sets at the gym imagining that the music video on the tv is in fact the video for the music playing in my headphones - I find it quite amusing

LNER (and GWR) bike slots and their dumb booking system that means anyone can just book every slot for a day which then fucks everyone else, cost us time and money. Cunts.

Beatport.

Cleaning up my youtube favourites, happily buying tracks for the last week, only to find out that beatshit is logged out and hasn't taken note of a single fucking thing I've added. But it also didn't fucking mention any of that, just happily sits there letting me click 'add to cart' while doing fuck all.

Not really an “I hate” but more a disappointment in myself.

I have a fairly large and well equipped workshop. It has now become de facto that people on the street come to me with problems (mechanical, electrical and structural) and I help out. Fine. I offer. Bottles of wine and malt are the accepted (but unsaid) currency that flow in return.

I have a newish neighbour who snapped the pull start on his mower. No problem, took an hour out of my life, but fitted a new cord for him.

He’s just texted me, and I’ve been to see it.

Mower wouldn’t start so he’s ripped the cord (brand new) so many times and so hard that he’s frayed it to a hair - actually taken the casing off it.

How can you be that mechanically insensitive that you can do that? And be allowed petrol engines?

Anyway. Now I am sort of duty bound to service the mower and fit another cord (by my own code).

(Edit) he’s just mowed his lawns with my mower and dropped it back at the gate. Asks if OK to drop his one over on the weekend for me to work on. Oh, and he is of a non drinking religion so no chance of a bottle. Well actually no chance of a return favour at all given past performance.

Over the last year or so I’ve fixed taps, mended a shed roof, bled central heating system and sorted an under sink leak for him.

I hate me for not being able to say ‘piss off’ when people come to me for help.

Old folks - absolutely. Help anytime and expect nothing in return. This guy is fifteen years my junior and just fucking useless.

non drinking religion

Perhaps he can pray for you?

Yeah. I don’t think he knows the correct litany for Russell’s Teapot though.

I feel for you, matey. I’ve been a bike mechanic and occasional fixer of other stuff for many years and do get people in that make you speechless. The worst of these are as you describe because you can’t help but think by putting them right you are doing society, in general, a wrong by prolonging their existence and their usage of an incompatible object that will result in bloodshed, anxiety, pain and grieving, potentially to innocent persons.
I had one bloke in, (intelligent with a nice house, expensive car, good job) that rode his £1500 bike for so long with a buckled wheel that he put a hole in his chainstay and didn’t believe me when I explained the issue.
Another frequent visitor just kept oiling his chain every ride despite what I told him over and over again. The crap I got off the rear mech pulleys fill up my hand.
Basically these people are hardwired to be hard headed and no amount of single-syllable sentence structuring will be simple enough to get the message “STOP, NOW, WALK AWAY!” through.

Amazon Prime.

Generally decent food kind of religion? I'd tell him everyone else sorts me out with a few beers, obviously I wouldn't expect that from you but your weekend meals smell amazing.

Not a bad plan - but one sort of expects not to have to drop heavy hints. Somebody does me a favour and I return immediately anyway I can.
May be a cultural difference I guess?

Anyway, sorry. Just ranting whilst I was annoyed. Ignore me.

May be a cultural difference I guess?

Nah, they're probably just a bit of a plonker.

People who start every fucking explanation or request with
"so basically" Just tell me what your going to do or want me to do i will understand you just fine.

Or even just “So”.

Yeah even "So" is unnecessary but slightly less irritating. Just give me the facts. I am/i was literally all the time is also annoying