In the news

Glad they're feeling better!

Personally, I'd choose the wall...

Surely this MI5 story is just the first of many dead cats

PM conveniently pulls out of visit after Djokovic's Dr* signs off on a positive test for a 'family member'...

I don't understand. There is no requirement to self-isolate just because a family member is positive.

Presumably he's relying in the "consider limiting contact with people who are at higher risk from COVID-19" bit?

Unless being a lying philanderer is now listed as a sign or symptom?

One of the mistresses must be due by now?

Anyone other than Johnson, and that wouldn't be believable.

Yeah, these honey traps are usually Russian violinists...

What's Carrie going to do with the kids once Johnson is given the boot?

Chuck them into JRM's nursery - he's forgotten how many he has too, and nanny takes care of them anyway.

it's quite a sneaky way of making it more acceptable to vote tory in scotland.

Next step will be to formally split from the main party. They’d need a new name, of course. My suggestion would be ‘Conservative & Unionist New Tories of Scotland’.

This Chinese news story is hilarious

“Look over there!”

I presume there aren't any dinghies due at Dover today, that's usually their go to.

Listening to the news on 6 music the Andrew and Boris stories are completely missing now

Maybe they accidentally edited some old footage in?

https://twitter.com/CymraesBalch/status/1481604416851656710

JRM for Prime Minister!

Suggestions Johnson won’t be seen in public for a week now because of relative’s COVID status.. maybe some more pics / emails will emerge to keep the pressure up.

How could he forget when the last one is literally named Sixtus?

Positive test when you want to appear at the Australian Open. Positive test when you want to disappear from view. Quite the two coincidences.

Palace have stripped Andy of all his titles and patronages.

Johnson’s already know not to have isolated when a close aid tested positive so it’s just another convenience.

There’s a long list of things Boris is. Coward is pretty close to the top.

Randy Andy's been hung out to dry by 'Liz

EDIT beaten to it.

(sorry - I didn't have the source though)

https://youtu.be/xPUVKb5rQlM

More likely Charles and William. I hope he gets everything he deserves.

What? They aren't waiting for the outcome of an investigation first?

Hahahaha!