Epic WTF

beginning to sound like blokes pissing all over the place whenever they like is more Run of the Mill than Epic WTF

Housemate at uni used to sleep walk, from memory he pissed in his wardrobe, his girlfriends wardrobe, corner of his room, also climbed back in to bed with his girlfriends flatmate that went down like a lead balloon. Also messed up his foot kicking the wall in his sleep dreaming he was kicking a football.

This thread needs

Went to see a band at the Half moon years ago with my Parents. Had a great night got absolutely trashed. Got home and crashed out in bed, woke up in the night and thought it would be a great idea to piss all over the bed. Went back to sleep and woke up in the morning thinking it was just a dream.
It wasn't, went mattress shopping that day.

I once pissed in a toilet

At night

sitting down doesnt count

If you go here you can order a free sample. I sent my friend one, he's got no sense of humour, and was griping about it for ages, so another friend signed him up to be a sperm donor which he was even less happy about, especially when they rang him up.

Twice in my working life I've had to remind contractors where to shit. One was someone going in the shower and the other was just on the floor in the toilet cubicle.

Similar after the last ever Carter gig at Brixton, and a big session in a nearby pub after, I awoke as the hotel room door clicked closed behind me, in just my boxers. Room-mate was out like a light despite my noise on the door. Desperate for a piss I wandered around looking for a communal loo along the corridor (nope). Did find the bedlinen / towel store room which had one of those low basins they use for filling & emptying mop buckets though. Once that was sorted I then had to style it out in a busy lift lobby area on my floor and then again at reception where similarly they gave me a new door pass without a raised eyebrow or owt...

When I first started working on the railway there was an all company email threatening that anyone caught shitting in substation kettles would be dismissed.

At Cloudflare there was an episode of someone shitting one the showers at work. Weirdly in both the San Francisco and the London office so potentially more than one person doing it. And yup, office wide emails telling people not to.

I swear there’s an international secret society of Bog Terrorists like the freemasons . Even in the loos in the loftiest echelons of our world can be found the dirty evidence of bog terrorism.

I once worked with a guy who filled his pants 30ft up a tree in the middle of Islington after a heavy night of booze and cheap speed. He screamed it loud enough for half of London to hear. He dealt with the worst of it behind a shrub in the clients garden then went and cleaned himself up at the cafe over the road.
He then put his shit filled trousers back on and finished the job. We made him ride back to the yard in the back of the truck.
We got a complaint called in to the office from the cafe as he apparently destroyed the toilet.

His shit story doesn’t surprise me as he was a really heavy drug and alcohol user(he’s sober now I believe) but the idea of office folk shitting left right and centre freaks me out as assumed y’all we above such things.

Totally.

Cloudflare London around 2016 had a number of incidents... including poop on the floor in toilet cubicles. This was discovered by an unfortunate team member treading in it.

Exclusively the male toilets of course.

At one of the early Internet banks call centre we had an agency staff member who sprayed shit daily around the cubicle walls and floor, everywhere except in the bowl. Folks suspected it was this particular guy and two poor souls had to catch him in the act so his contract could be terminated.

I'm still curious to know how he positioned himself to achieve the frankly impressive coverage , and whether he sat or stood to wipe after.

A friend has a story about managing the office comms following an incident where someone was filling up soap dispensers (at one of the more prestigious corporate law firms, no less).

We had the opposite at work, it was happening in the female toilets. An email was sent exclusively to the users of that loo politely asking for the phantom shitter to stop. The email got leaked and rapidly made it around most of the company!

A friend has a story about managing the office comms following an incident where someone was filling up soap dispensers (at one of the more prestigious corporate law firms, no less).

Filling them up with what?

Filling them up with what?

yes.

This talk of company emails has just reminded me at my grad job we got an email that someone was pissing in the bin used for the paper towels and to please stop it, this was in an engineering consultancy, again you assume people are better than that but nope

Poops of presence?

I worked in an office with a phantom shitter, she did use the toilets but would shit on the lids, seat, floor, cistern (not upper deckers, the outside) and I believe the sink.

Ended up locking the toilets and they had to sign for the key to try and stop the shitter from reoffending.

I don't think they ever officially found out who she was.

Worked in the NHS for nearly 40 years with a dearth of phantom shitters. However regularly come across doctors who get turds sent to them in the post. Not sure what goes through patients minds to make them think...... I know, I'll shit in a jiffy bag, stick on a first class stamp and send it to the consultant!

£5 for 100g of Toblerone with a different label.

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have they finally done away with all but one of the "peaks" now? that box looks massive for 100g