Sort-of memes that are cracking you up at the moment

I spent 3 months temping in a bank in Aus. Worked in the very deep basement vault (3 floors down, through bulletproof, security airlock-type entrance) counting and reconciling foreign currency. Spent a lot of time mulling over how to rob it as I was pushing trolleys with literal millions of £$£$ around.
In the actual safe there was no camera and you were only supposed to go in in pairs, but that wasn't always followed. At the back were many boxes of blank travellers cheques (ask your parents, kids). It would just about have been possible to grab a few of those and shove them down your trousers and would have been some time before they were found missing.
I didn't.

Petty theft in retail to fraud that had an international impact. I didn’t anticipate things to escalate so quickly.

But a mate did, right?

I ran induction days for new staff. There was no detailed job description in the job advert except for "package processing" so they only discovered the nature of the work after the first day of induction.
After they found out what they would be doing and all about the extensive security cameras and watching the hostage videos 50% of them never turned up on the 2nd day.

Don't carrot sales increase massively when you introduce self service scanners.

watching the hostage videos

The what now?

Yup, me too...

When I worked in a supermarket cafe, I’d cook excess breakfast food just before the cutoff and fill my apron pockets for a cheeky sausage snack or two throughout the day.
We’d also heavily discount out of date stuff for our regulars as that seemed better than binning it.
We were apparently the only in-store cafe that made a profit one year (£500)!

Sounds like a CIA extraordinary rendition role?

Would be happy to sign up to that.

Hostage videos. Happens all the time in supermarkets. Have you literally never worked in a supermarket or something?

Sort of Job Descriptions that are teasing us right now

Remember Safeways!!

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I managed the grads and placement students in the tech department of everyone’s favourite employee owned upper-middle class supermarket a few years ago. One of them had worked the shop floor and spent his rotation in the BI team modelling expected vs actual stock of posh tomatoes. Turned out we thought we should have way more of them than we did, with the reverse situation on value tomatoes. White collar crime at its most devastating.

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Would be happy to sign up to that.

Great.
You would have to go through an extensive screening process to check you're not a wrong'un but due to the desperate need for immediate staff and management ineptitude this screening process probably won't happen until you've been in the job for at least 3 weeks and had a good 'look around' .

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Sounds an awful lot like a dictatorship

The music really puts the cherry on top for me

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Yoh-de-lay-ih-hooooo?….

…nah

Spot on. Sign me up.

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