Hybrids / bad mountain bikes / insta wagons / bling rigids - please, i beg, no 700c 😩

Okay mini velos.
I have one that is up for discussion. Have a look at this 3" tired custom Brompton with Chris King parts, Rohloff gears, Son dynamo and light setup and custom mudguards. While not particularly bling to look at I feel like it's a big wank move to get a Brompton alternated to fit these tyres you will only ever need in places where don't want to go on a Brompton.

Feel like it is still missing a little bling, despite the wheels. Brooks would help.

The wankiest. While not the ruling authority, my avatar gives this a big 👍

CK. Rohloff. SON. Magura. 3". Bruh.

Now that 20" are officially legalized by the authorities i put my truck up for judgement.

You have to get so close to the bike to see all that though!

Oh this gets a lot of wank points, 3" and Maguras on a Brompton is just... * chef's kiss *

Rat bike/functional/cargo.
I see no wank here.

You lot just aren't getting it.

Number of failed submissions is quite frankly shameful. Stop offending @Maj

Maybe it’s the ££ that’s tripping some people up. It’s one thing to have a tricked out 26er, with some newer parts chucked at it, decent tyres etc. But it’s another, wankier thing to drop mad quids on it until it’s dripping with hand-crafted, anodised, high thread-counts and small-batch artisanal, porteur, everyday-carry. A lot of the bikes here I would totally lock up in Bristol and not stress too much about.

It’s not even that, it’s posting bikes that completely miss the brief by a country mile like that giant up thar. It’s a cool bike bust aside from a wide range cassette there’s literally nothing to recommend it to this thread.
I’d leave that outside my local corner shop in E17 safe in the knowledge it’ll still be there on my return.

Spending money is important in a wankbrid(part of the reason I didn’t post mine here- sure it’s got a JDM bell that cost more than the frame but it’s not dripping in shine), but if it’s not coveted like a fucking golden calf by centerist dads for its meticulous planning and execution then it’s just a bicycle.

Can @Maj be given the power to delete posts that don’t meet the brief?

King, SON, artisanal handcrafted brakes, 860mm bars, carefully curated stickers, blue ano, etc...

Still looks like a rat bike

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=U2XEg5QeyVM

Undoubtedly a good inclusion, however:

you will only ever need in places where don't want to go on a Brompton.

You obviously don't own one, or have yet to venture out of the city with it...

Poor effort, where's the gear cable?

Here's a few that I think meet the criteria

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Plastic mud guard disqualifies imo... but who am I kidding I don’t fully understand this thread.

#Maj4mod

Upload is being weird, here's another (maybe)

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Are we not getting too functional here? Becoming a bike packing thread, surely anything that has a slack head angle, massive bags and plus size tyres is a no no

HHSB are to track bikes as insta wagons are to adventure rigs.

@Brainfart_Industries please resubmit once powedercoated and confirmed you lock it indoors

@snoops vibe wise yes, but bouncy fork, absolutely no

@birofunk 1st no, that's a touring bike with a double although nice, 2nd, maybe but it needs a clean and no wanker bike owner would have that rack set up, it's far too functional first designed, 3rd closer but no, forks must only have mounts, not bags, we absolutely do not camp

a picture clean, and in an urban environment? no baggage? yes.

found a nice insta with surlys which only get riden in the city and the woods just on the outskirts of the city, pauls, cnc, ano, sparkly clean etc.

a nice one from tumbleweed, in the woods yes, but clean, no mud, hub gear, no baggage, thomson and tumbleweed bars, clearly overbuilt

the trek is a classic, i'd like different cranks to really seal it but imo it's truly wanker bike, i'm pretty sure that colour only came as a full build so they literally stripped and sold everything and rebuilt. wanker bag too.

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Masterful.