Jokes / Joke du jour!

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No more knapping on the job for them.

A friend of mine has no alarm clock but sleeps on a bed of herbs
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They always wake up on thyme

If I can't sleep at night I always have a strong urge to belt out ' the lion sleeps tonight '
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It's just a whim away a whim away a whim away

I nodded off and woke up with a puzzled look on my face
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I'd fallen asleep on my rubik's cube

Soon after arriving in Roswell, NM, I stepped away from the basin after washing my face, reached for my towel with blurry vision, and somehow through immense luck, I realized there was an almost invisible scorpion on the towel, just where my eyes would have been!

Not fun! Very lucky! Back to the jokes!

How come it's spelled "camouflage" and not

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There's a lady selling batteries in the local park.

She sells C-cells by the see-saw.

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Know why lots of people are getting the Astra injection? Well, apparently, they were going to get the Golf injection but people were suffering smelly emissions.

A friend of mine told me it's april fool's day today
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So I've decided to make a pudding from stewed fruit , custard and cream

that reminds me of my favourite Milton Jones joke.

When people ask me what my wife does I tell them its difficult to say.

She sells sea shells by the sea shore...

I liked his:

"Italians, slanted little eyes, no, no, no, italics."

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Doctor: I'm afraid your body has completely run out of magnesium

Patient: 0Mg

Patient: Would it help if I increased my sodium intake?

Doctor: Na

Diner: I can't decide what to have.

Waiter: What about the duck?

Duck: I'll have the lasagna.

Yes.

Duck joke, very lols!

Q: How do you get down from an elephant?

A: You don't, you get down from a duck

What's the difference between an Indian and an African elephant?

One's an Indian.

Oi, pal. Did you just call me an elephant?

I have just found out that a hifi enthusiast friend of mine has sadly passed away after a short illness
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I asked his wife what he had ?
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She replied ' rega turntable, arcam bi- wired amps and acoustic energy speakers '

What did the sea monster have for dinner

A portion of ships

What did the large sea monster have for dinner

Large ships

What did the small sea monster have for dinner

small ships