The World's Fattest Man with no bike! aka - find hippy a new bike aka - Just get ( fill in blank )

Flats.

I can't ride my Speedplay unless I'm 99% sure I wont have to dab. So, dry gravel is fine. Muddy trails anything steep and/or technical (for me) not so much.

I am thinking about trying my SPD SIDIs again though (non-midfoot) but honestly I think going back to flats is the right move.