You are reading a single comment by @andyp and its replies.
Click here to read the full conversation.
London Fixed Gear and Single-Speed is a community of predominantly fixed gear and single-speed cyclists in and around London, UK.
This site is supported almost exclusively by donations. Please consider donating a small amount regularly.
not4sale
@andyp
A man's wife has had enough of his drinking and coming home drunk, so issues him an ultimatum; if you come home drunk again I'm leaving.
The following day he's on his way home from work, having avoided temptation, when he bumps into an old friend who suggests they go for a quick drink to catch up. He thinks to himself that a quick drink won't do any harm and agrees.
Four hours later he's very drunk and throws up all over himself. He's despondent now as he knows his wife will leave him. His friend notices his sullen mood and asks him what's the matter. He explains the situation and his friend comes up with a bright idea, "Put a £20 pound note in your pocket and tell her someone threw up over you and gave you £20 to get your clothes cleaned." He thinks this is a brilliant idea and puts £20 in his pocket.
After another couple of drinks he heads home and is met in the hallway by his wife. "Right, that's it!" she says, "I told you not to get drunk. Look at the state of you!"
"I'm not drunk", he protests, "I met an old friend on the way home and we went for a quick drink. Unfortunately someone next to us at the bar was drunk and threw up all over me. He was most apologetic and gave me £20 to get my clothes cleaned. Look." he says reaching into his pocket, and pulls out two £20 notes.
"What's the other £20 for?" asks his wife.
"That was from the bloke who shat in my pants".
Courtesy of Clement Freud.