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I am also not a lawyer, I think you'll find you're missing the "fuck you" clause. Which states :
Following application of said punch, the receiver of the shitty opinion has a legal obligation to respond with "fuck you" no sooner than 3 seconds after said punch lands and no later than 7 seconds after punch lands.
Not a lawyer, but I'm pretty sure you have a legal obligation to punch these people right in their stupid faces.