Jokes / Joke du jour!

In honour of someone who celebrates their 80 th birthday today

Doctor I can't stop singing ' the green green grass of home '

Ah you are suffering from tomjones syndrome

right Dr is this common ?

' it's not unusual ... '

https://twitter.com/yvonneridley/status/1269899553345613824

I heard they'd gone tits up

Bottom falling out of the market, suspended trading, too much risk (risqué) exposure, etc :)

Love it!

😄

I love the way the Earth rotates.

In fact, it makes my day.

https://twitter.com/bagatel81476879/status/1270431453369810946?s=21

The re-opening of LEGO stores is going to be a huge event. People will be lining up for blocks.

And yes you're guessed it as a result their security operatives are er ahem bricking it

Strange day. First I found a hat full of money, then I was chased by an angry man with a guitar.

.

haha

security operatives

Security operatives?

You mean security? Or they got Fleming style characters in their employment??

Not as far-fetched as the Samsung store who have the Guardians of the Galaxy.

You joke, but their eSport team is called Galaxy or guardians or some such bollox.

But once again you made me chuckle.

Love this :-D
Nice one

Me: can I turn the ceiling fan off?

Helicopter pilot: no.

A colon can completely change the meaning of a sentence.

For Example:

1. I ate my friend’s lunch.

2. I ate my friend’s colon.

I managed to pick up some Muhammed figurines from a wholesaler for £5 each at the weekend, and I'm knocking them out on eBay for £15. That's a pretty good prophet margin.

Is that a bit dodgy?

It is. Whoever created the joke probably didn't think about that, because if they wanted to be offensive I think they'd have tried harder and made the joke cruder and more obvious. It could just be that the originator couldn't think of any other well known prophet, making them unimaginative (Nostradamus, anyone?) as well as crass.

“ might apply for a job at the mirror factory.
I could see myself working there.”

Upon reflection, I can’t really see myself working here.

I managed to pick up some Rita Skeeta figurines from a wholesaler for £5 each on Friday, and I sold the lot for £15 each by Saturday. That's a pretty good Daily Phophet margin.

I managed to pick up some cream buns from a wholesaler for £1 each at the weekend, and I sold the lot for £5 each. That's a pretty good profiterole margin.