Sort-of memes that are cracking you up at the moment

Officials have failed to discover his motive for masquerading as a fifth-former

His deception only came to light last month when he and two female classmates were on holiday in Tenerife.

Top deductive skills, there.

I went to primary school with (most of) Fred and Rose West’s kids, Stephen was in my sister’s class, Heather a couple of years above until she, erm, stopped attending. Saw Fred most days as we lived next to the school, just across the park from Cromwell Street. #csb

Done.

I can still picture my mums face when I got home from school and told her the PE teacher had lined us up and thrown a javelin over our heads to show how it’s done. Dude was a shower perv too.

Edited for poor turn of phrase, probably too late.

Dude was a shower nazi too.

We had one of those. Shirts and skins in midwinter with him watching "to make sure" we'd showered.

We had a crazy old bastard of a Judo teacher who was one of those grizzled ex-soldiers who just seem to get tougher with age. He'd always forget himself when he got impatient with us

"You! The blond bastard"

[whispered to himself] "Don't swear at the children!"

shower nazi

yeeeeeeeeeikes.

We had a crazy old bastard of a Judo teacher

We had one of those too! He was mental, stepped in when our usual teacher was ill - used to train all the bouncers in town as well as (apparently) Special Forces.

We were all there for the warm-up games and messing about, but he was super-aggresive and used to pepper all his training with little anecdotes as to how you could quite easily break the opponents leg by leaning swiftly to the left or something.

He lined us (20+) all up to throw us all in different, difficult, acrobatic ways once, I had quite long hair and got thrown by it. We started bunking off when he was there...

IKR.

Yup in primary school we had a school nurse who watched us shower and “checked” us to make sure we were clean.

Aged 11 we had game of football during PE with a teacher who had reportedly been a welsh rugby international. Apparently we needed to be shown how a proper man kicked, so he tried to score a goal from the opposite end of the field. Unfortunately his aim was shit and he hammered the ball full power into the side of my head and knocked me out.

Also aged 11 we played a house rugby tournament with boys aged 11-13. I was a pretty late developer and didn’t hit puberty properly till my late teens... on the opposite team was a 6ft 13 yr old who was already shaving regularly. He ran straight over the top of me leaving me in a crumpled heap prompting the gap year student to tell me to “get up and stop being such a fucking pussy”. I got up and played two more games... it wasn’t until over a week later that anyone thought to take me to hospital where it turned out I had a broken collar bone.

At secondary school we were front page of the sun when the head boy was found to be sleeping with the boarding house matron. IIRC she got the sack and he was offered the opportunity to stay if he gave up the relationship. Of course he thought it was 4lyf so he was promptly expelled too but she dumped him and sold her story to the sun a week later. The day it came out all the older boys went into town and bought up the entire stock of newspapers and then sold them to younger kids for a tidy profit.

My story seems pretty tame. My English teacher, comically called Mr Brazier, broke a kid's leg with a cricket bat. Not sure how the fuck you stay employed and not in prison after that. I felt lucky because a week earlier he'd snapped my ruler and thrown my pencil case out of the 2nd floor window because he'd decided I was an annoying "wannabe teacher's pet".

i got suspended for allegedy sexually harassing a teacher on my birthday
true story

https://www.lfgss.com/conversations/343376/

We had a trio of stoner bullies in the Simpsons mould. During a javelin session one of them fucked up his throw comically and when another one of the trio took the piss he exacted his revenge with a swift javelin through the foot. Brutal. I fucking loved school

you only turn 5 once!

who learned of a rival school heading to ours for a pre-arranged fight and went to greet them at the driveway, only to have his face smashed up with a baseball bat and was surprised by those actions.

We had similar except our teacher had the foresight to bring a baseball bat of his own so no face smashing up.

We had a supply science teacher called Rocket Ron who was recently back from Iraq (no-one really seemed to know what he was doing there). Science lessons consisted of him blowing various stuff up in creative ways (I was particularly impressed by him getting mshrooms to explode). He'd also cover other lessons where he'd set off homemade fireworks.

Another teacher had the habit of throwing the board rubber onto your desk if you weren't paying attention (you'd get covered in chalk dust). Occasional "misthrows" resulted in more than one broken nose. Also a teacher who'd try and pick you up by your sideburns as punishment.

He lined us (20+) all up to throw us all in different, difficult, acrobatic ways once

Yes! But the flip side was that he would also stand there and let us do flying kicks at him.

Aged 11 we had game of football during PE with a teacher who had reportedly been a welsh rugby international.

We had an Irish rugby international join us as a PE teacher after the World Cup (amateur days, when they had jobs) - only the week before he joined, he shagged a girl he met in a club, who turned out to be 14 and a pupil at the school. Nothing was done, and probably nothing could be done, but he turned up expecting to be a hero and was just seen as a kiddy fiddler.

Moved to https://www.lfgss.com/conversations/3433­76/

https://www.lfgss.com/conversations/3433­76/

although it wasn't very clear, this post was telling you all that there is now a thread for these awesome stories.

One of the last things to happen at school was someone jumping at me on the bus home. Heard a pop, collar bone had snapped. Didn't stop him laying into me punching that arm.

Also, some time before that, a guy was giving me shit so I swung the cricket bat I was holding in his direction. Thought I hit his arm, I'd hit his face. He deserved it.

The boarders would sit in a room together and wank over porn. Pretty sure a number of them helped each other out, but it wasn't gay or something. Glad I wasn't a boarder.

Other thread <<<<<<<<<<<<

Oh, and this chap was one of my friends, and I didn’t realise he was twice my age until the Daily Mail came knocking at my door to ask questions about him.

This has to be the best story of the last few pages and I feel it's not had the attention it deserves.

It was big news at the time (1994), all over the TV and papers. There was going to be a film made about him with Alan Cummings starring, but it never happened.

We all feel pretty daft, in retrospect, not having realised at the time. But none of the teachers did either, and many of them had taught him first time around.

Everyone thinks he must have done it to shag teenagers, but there was none of that. The real reason is a complicated story about university admissions policies, and his all-consuming desire to become a doctor.