Jokes / Joke du jour!

You know what goes great with Coronavirus?

Lyme disease

I’ve spent all day next to someone saying that “it’s spelt just like the beer!!”

He’s gonna love that.

Too soon.

Did lol though.

You know what goes great with Coronavirus?

Lyme disease

Boom!

I’ll tell you what gives me butterflies every single time.

Buying caterpillars.

Whahahaha

Some friends are having a joint Burns Night and Chinese New Year party. They’re calling it Chinese Burns Night.

I wasn’t going to go but they twisted my arm.

^ Top draw!

People are usually shocked when they find out I'm not a good electrician.

To the person who stole my copy of Microsoft Office, I will find you. You have my word.

I will, if it’s within my power, point you in their direction.

excel lent

A positive outlook helps

word

How did they get Access?

Patient: "Doctor, I have this habit of stripping naked and covering myself in cling film. What's wrong with me?"
Doctor: "I'm not sure, but I can clearly see your nuts."

What idiot decided to call it Coronavirus? when they had the golden opportunity to call it

The Kung Flu

And we could have all been fighting the Kung Flu virus with Carl Douglas..

https://youtu.be/bmfudW7rbG0

My roommate has threatened to leave if unless is stop nicking their kitchen utensils.

It's a whisk I'm willing to take

WHO declares coronavirus outbreak a global emergency
SHAFT!

my mother used to wash my hair in lager..

..it wasn't until years later that I discovered that I'd been fostered
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btw i was fostered for real.. my bruv sent me that to cheer me up..

If you ever go for a walk with the Scissor Sisters make sure they are pointing away from you.

Someone stole my antidepressants. Whoever they are, I hope they're happy.

I said to my son "when you're home you treat this place like a hotel". Well that's backfired, he's given me a 1 star review on TripAdvisor citing rude staff.

I was doing up my trousers this morning and got distracted singing along to Disney songs. Now I've zippered me doodah.

For Christmas I bought my wife a new fur coat made from hamster fur and a week in Blackpool.

It took me two days to get her off the big wheel.

Have you been on a cruise recently?

Nice one.

Ha. Ace