Awkward Moments

I'd start to worry if I had a bunny, or every time I hear a noise in the house at night. The fear of going down to the dinning room to see her seeing there. The table set for a romantic dinner for two....

Outdoor piste sex?

Back in the 80's I joined the college gym club. I was young, thin and everything I wore was like a tent or short in all the wrong places. Using one of the sit-on leg extension doo dahs I got half way through the reps and noticed a girl trying not to look in my direction (as you do when, generally speaking girls never look in your direction). I did my circuit of the other machines then on returning to do the leg extension thingy the girl had moved on and behind where she had been was the wall mirror which showed quite clearly that Roger and Tweedle Dum were hanging out of the inner mesh liner of my shorts.

I could do with a holiday...

This.

Yep. That's the face alright.

Some conversational primers to make you feel at home...

Har du en spade jeg kan låne takk?

Min, det er et stort hull ...

Velkommen til skogen

I had the very same issue but at much closer quarters when I was 18. I was on an "outward bound course" when I worked for ICI at a YMCA camp on Windermere. I was sat directly opposite a female sailing instructor in a Laser dinghy, which is not very big. She was showing me the ropes, sheets really, and we were out for about 15 minutes. I was "out" for all that time. Thankfully it was quite warm, if you know what I mean?

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jns9NHhzGeM

This skiing holiday keeps on giving. Was at the hotel pool with my kids yesterday. A friend of a friend was there with his kids. In the post swim shower, no cubicles, 6 showers in one room, this man begins to tell me about 'penis origami'. Bear in mind that we're both scandi and showering naked with strangers and kids isn't considered weird. But there's a code for it, like keep to yourself, some small talk is ok, don't ogle the other people etc. And this fella goes from theory to practice, showing me the 'eiffel tower' and the 'hamburger'. All I could think of to say was 'um, I expect this stuff gets easier as you grow older' before hurrying back to my room for a large alcoholic beverage.

"I showed you my hamburger, plz respond"

jeezus

Origami?

Puppetry of the Penis.

I am a former practitioner.

I was riding home last Friday evening through Dulwich at about 7pm, it was pretty quiet with not much traffic about. I pulled up at a set of lights, and due to my IBS being a bit fruity over the holiday period, I eased one cheek off the saddle and let out a massive fart. A few seconds later I heard a discreet sneeze and glanced behind to see a woman on a bike tucked behind my wheel.

Sorry.

^ Ha! I imagine TdF riders must be used to it.

ohhhhhh..... do your balls hang low can you fold em like a crane
can you hold them in a way that makes em look like a brain
do you get banned from the pool while you're folding up your tool
oh you'll never pass a DBS if you're on the paedo roll

Hahaha, she actually sneezed?

She did. I wouldn’t have known she was there otherwise. Neither of us said a word.

‘Bless you’ would have been appropriate surely? 😏

On here for definitely

Penis origami man or loony ex gf?

Love the gas?

/applause

I give up, what is this? @Festerban

Walked into my local the other day to meet a group of mates. Saw my mate at the bar with his back to me. For some wierd reason I decided it was a good idea to greet him by slapping his arse. Turned out it wasn't him, just some random bloke I had never met. Errr sorry

Then to compound my weirdness I tried to buy him a drink to say sorry.