I hate

Could you smell their colon?

I have a leaf blower despite hating them. We bought a house with big ugly rockery and until I can take it out, the only way to get leaves off it is by blowing them or picking them up by hand.

So, you know.... fuck off.

Have you considered what the alternative might be? Some people fucking stink.

There was a guy in the last office I worked at who would run to work and at lunchtimes. We had showers in the building but he opted for the lynx-based option instead. There was actually an HR email that went round the whole company about using the showers provided that was specific enough that it was clearly aimed at him.

The Smiths, specifically Morrissey.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=R-fTbd8juzQ

Have some cheer!

Seems to be pretty common when people shower and dress up to go out in town. I find it quite unpleasant and often more so that a bit of sweat smell.

I read somewhere that you cannot "smell" your perfume/deo after a while as your brain blocks it out as "not relevant" and then some people start applying more and more reading to overdoing it.

Items washed in drycleaning fluid...my skin is pretty non sensitive but that is an instant scratch fest.

Off into the woolite it goes when I am home...

.... the way your eyeballs feel dirty gritty and gopy after riding in central london for a few hours

‘Comedy’ Christmas jumpers. It’s the absolute worst example of fast disposable fashion and they’re deeply shit and unfunny to boot.

There’s something about the comedy Xmas jumper that brings out the ultraviolence after a works do.

I open doors to see from how far I can make people run.

This.

It's really funny to watch people speed up because you are being 'nice'.

Twats at bars (usually CAMRA) who insist on sampling the beer.

Buy a fucking pint (or a half, or third) . It's not the end of the world if you don't like it.

I am a CAMRA member but still hate the beardy cunts.

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I used to work in a real ale pub about 20 years ago. Camra twats would come in and try and get me to tip them off about beers about to come on so they could come in to tick them off in their little books. They'd stand there at the bar, drink a half, then head off. No chatting to anyone, strictly business.

Trainspotters that ran out of trains to spot. Their houses have every shade of brown woodwork imaginable, smell of old carpets and cat pee and they have unfinished Sharnwood spice jars from 1972 in the kitchen cupboards.

There is/was a guy in Birmingham called Mick “The Tick” Baker whose trick was to buy half pints and tip them into Panda Pop bottles to drink at home so he could tick off more than his rivals.

I think I can top that:
We had a semi-regular who would bring these tiny little vials that he would pour a bit of particularly good beers in to. He would then take them home to add to his COLLECTION OF TINY BEER.

The word ‘crimbo’
Just stop

Oh, that reminded me about my upcoming crimbo holibobs. Ta v much.

Yeah, everyone knows it’s ‘xmas’

How many times do you think I have heard “happy chrimbo jimbo”?

Four?

It's tedious how often I've heard "merry Xmas sexmas".

Christmas.
Everyone knows it's Christ's Mass.