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Maybe CBT could help you?
I saw this listed as an option on a friend's Adult Work page and it took me a while, since both she and I were motorcyclists in the 90s, to work out that she wasn't offering Compulsory Basic Training
I know, but that doesn’t mean you shouldn’t try - I’d hate to be the reason you settled for second best, faced with a goal you viewed as personally unobtainable. Maybe CBT could help you?