I hate

Most people do it.

No, most people don't. I'd say the actual number of people who do it is about the same as those who make narcissistic generalisations out of their own personal behaviour and post that online.

It's been over four years now of washing my arse properly

Wow, quick wipe only takes a few seconds.

I've probably whinged about this before...

Parking around us is tight. We're fortunate enough to have off street parking. (Well I say fortunate enough, we paid extra/forewent other features to make sure we had it.)

One of my neighbors thinks that the parking spot outside her house belongs to her. Recently she tried to annex the spot by removing part of her fence and parking her son's car in her "drive" with a note in the rear window. It's been ignored.

What really, really, bugs me though is her general selfish entitlement. She has just parked in another spot as "her spot" has been taken. This spot can take 2 cars with considerate parking - which almost everyone does 99% of the time. She has taken up the whole spot.

She also parks in the disabled bay at the station. I know not all disabilities are visible. But she has a disabled mum, and there is nothing obviously disabled about her. Plus she's never mentioned anything - despite being someone who would definitely mention anything.

You're overthinking this, simply shoot her and torch her car.

Years ago one of my neighbours felt a similar entitlement to the spot directly outside their house and once threatened to blow my car up if I parked there again. Needless to say, when I found a VERY heavily soiled dildo in the street on my way home after a night out, I knew exactly who's letterbox to pop it through.

To give a bit of balance, I’ve been getting a bit fucked off with the massive van that’s been parked right outside my house all week. No idea who it belongs to - it hasn’t moved, and it’s basically all I can see when I look out of my living room window.

Admittedly part of the reading it’s making me cross is that I know they’re completely entitled to park there and I don’t really have just cause to be annoyed.

Seems Mr Van might need a dildo up the exhaust pipe...

"found"

#notjudging

Ok they’ve just left! Clearly the sight of several soiled dildos in the gutter spooked them.

Heavily soiled.

Heavily.

Are soiled dildos the new frozen sausage?

I thought one was just a euphemism for the other?

A bit big but...

or

1 Attachment

Never ending story, ah ah ah ah etc

Oranges with pips in. Having to police each segment.

Oranges in general. Absolute bastards to peel, not worth the effort. I'm all about that seedless easy peeler life.

Plus you have the benefit of being able to sing "seedless easy peeler" to the tune of "Easy Lover" by Phil Collins, annoying all those around you.

I think you'll find it was Philip Bailey and Phil Collins.

My hermes, paid for signed for delivery. They 'attempted' to deliver but left no way for the recipient to get in touch (no contact details on the wee card) 3 bloody times.
Now the parcel is back on my desk and they'll look into it to ensure it doesnt happen again. What about my tenner? Gits.

My talk talk router which arrived in my new home in a box that was small enough to be put through the letter box and crash onto the stone floor. Inside were fitting instructions that suggested if you can't connect to the internet you need to look on the internet for further instructions.
Call me ignorant if you will but that's a bit like the AA introducing a new service whereby if your car breaks down you simply have to drive to the nearest repair centre.

Edinburgh trams, which claim to cost £1.70 for a single, but don't take banknotes, have a minimum card spend of £3, and expire after 30 mins, so you have to buy two singles and throw one away.

Except you have a moped in the boot that you can ride to go pick up the repair man and bring him to your car. (Guessing you have internet on your phone)

i cant stop singing that now

Revert

Don’t use it:

• in a sentence when you mean ‘reply’. Use ‘reply’.
  
  

Do use it:

• at the skatepark. tHaT’s FiNe.
  
• when you mean to undo something, reverse a course of action &c &c I swear I am not kicking the arse out of this.