Jokes / Joke du jour!

Have been waiting for the opportunity to use this pic my friend took of an owl. Shall cross post in the meme thread and see if someone bites.

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There's a thread for them obviously.

notsureifserious.jpg

Why can’t Stevie Wonder see his friends?
Because he’s married.

Thanks!

My neighbour came over today and accused me of stealing clothes off her washing line.
I nearly shat her pants.

My wife always wanted to go on safari, but when we got back she said she didn't like some of the animals

I found her comments to be extremely hippo-critical

Two penguins walking along together, one looks at the other and says “You know, you look like you’re wearing a tuxedo”. The other says “Maybe I am......”

My wife always wanted to go on a cruise of the Zambezi, but when we got back she said she didn't like some of the animals

I found her comments to be extremely hippo-critical

ftfy

Did you know, sharks will only attack you if you’re wet?

No I didn't - but I did hear a lively debate going on behind me whilst on a train about whether your hands are only wet once they are taken out of water.

We would be wet if submerged, but an animal with a hydrophobic layer covering them (such as a penguin) would not be.

But sebum also repels water. Where's the distinction?

I don’t think human sebaceous glands are up to the task of forming a hydrophobic layer encapsulating our bodies.
remembers its a joke thread
...Errrr....said my wife.

No of course, I'm just wondering what constitutes being wet.
Boom boom!

To clarify, you don’t have to be wet for a shark to attack you. There just aren’t really any situations where you’re likely to be attacked by a shark but not be wet. Hence the hilarity of the statement.

Thanks for that. TBH I was struggling.
Pete, they say, you're a lovely bloke; ever so stupid, but a lovely bloke.

There just aren’t really any situations where you’re likely to be attacked by a shark but not be wet.

What about a Sharknado?

Clearly you have never seen Sharknado

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To be fair, that’s clearly accidental. Also it looks like a whale shark, who are filter feeders. I feel like the aforementioned hilarity of my joke remains present and intact.

Yep. Still hilarious.

What weighs more, a litre of water, or a litre of butane?

The water, as butane is always the lighter fluid.

There just aren’t really any situations where you’re likely to be attacked by a shark but not be wet.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=I16_8l0yS-g

Real video evidence to the contrary

Terrifying!

Perhaps I need to explain it again?