I hate

Also, when DethWife is washing and puts any old thing on the draining rack, stacked precariously, like a madman's Jenga, waiting for me to dry the wrong plate or mug and it all comes crashing down.

My GF does this and it's maddening, we have a metal rack shelf which overhangs the draining board where I put cups and any small items like coffee portafilter, milk jug etc and some hooks underneath for hanging pans to dry, then we have just a basic dish rack on the draining board with standard slots for plates. When I wash up it's all meticulously stacked and if you need something quick you can just grab it and use it without moving anything which given my girlfriend and I eat completely different foods as there's zero overlap in our preferences happens a lot as we're always cooking separately. When she washes up not even the plates go in the slots, all the smallest items will be piled on the bottom of the dish rack (including utensils which could easily fit in the cutlery drainer) then bowls completely covering them from sight and them plates and pans laid face down in a pile on top of the rest of the madness.

and she uses washing up gloves which I fucking hate touching (not quite up there with cotton wool but not far off) especially when they're still slimy and covered in bits of food*. and they get left hanging on the edge of the washing up bowl "to dry". so I have to move them every. single. time. I want to use the sink.

I get moaned at for not washing up sometimes and it's not that I don't want to do it, I just can't face the 10 minute game of clattering crockery jenga I have to play before I can even put a single plate on the dryer.

* my mum used to own a cafe when i was early-mid teens and would get roped into washing up hundreds of plates covered in congealed bean juice and stubbed out cigarettes and it was about the grossest thing possible for a 13 year old and i still hate it.

Our new kitchen was designed to avoid some of the washing up difficulties.

There is a prep sink on the island. Apart from food being prepped nothing else is permitted in that sink

Then there is a double sink for washing up elsewhere in the kitchen. That is where dirty things go, and if needs be can be left to soak.

My kitchen is a little haven away from the dangerous philistines.

use of the dishwasher

Which then has to be repacked so that you can fit more than 2 saucers, 2 cups and a teaspoon.

Is it bash the other half day today?

I see you've gone full Aussie...

Oh, you mean it like that.

How illegal is it for me to dangle an apprentice out the window by the ankles for putting food waste and similar in the clearly marked recycling bin?

https://youtu.be/kqooIX4E0sM

Every day is a moan about the other half day.

Although TWOH is a saint, and i don't deserve them.

Even if their dishwasher stacking skills need a little work...

punching the exhibits

Me every day

The barbarian on the train that is flossing her teeth... with her own hair!

That’s kinda creative problem solving

I would if I could....

Tie pubes together?

Washing up hates:

The sharps in the sink...that’s a real cunty thing to do. When I worked as a KP the head wash-up threatened to stab anyone who put knives in the sink. He was a fair and measured man.

People who invite you to dinner and then start cleaning their kitchen before the pudding has even arrived.
Rude bastards

christ alive, don't you people have maids for this sort of thing?

I’ve recently discovered the best scourer:

Vileda Puractive.

You can thank me later.

My wife?

Hey come on over for food, you can listen to me hoover and I will be absent for 40% of the night because I value a shiny counter top more than social interaction.

I do this, I shall mend my ways

Not that I have people over much, because, people.

your loss. i'm a fucking delight.

The knots get caught between my teeth (just tried).

So I hope you gathered and knotted while on pub(l)ic transport.

Nah, just pulled a wad out from the shower trap.

Most of them were probably mine.