This morning's commute and other commuting stories

Suddenly I'm a lot more interested in this.

Thinking outside the box, ie. what thinking about what I can crush outside the box I'm driving.

It must be something about people with handlebars in their avatars.

Arnold had the same idea ...

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jVs5kgvA_Ow

He also cycles in London so I think he'd help out.

So did that C5 "cyclists are cunts" programme turn out to be super inspirational?

Some seriously competitive prommuting going on this morning.

I scourged on the streets this morning with my new & poorly sewn inflammatory patch on my saddle bag.

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Guy was in such a hurry to get home last night to watch the C5 "documentary" he felt the need to nudge me three times to try and get me out of his way. And no, i couldn't just pull over after the first bump as there was nowhere to stop.

He then must of realised there's a plus one channel as he suddenly stopped in the middle of the road to block me and was shouting something out the window about cyclists owning television.

I think I may have accidentally looked extra smug as weaved around the gridlocked traffic on the way in this morning. I think the drivers appreciated my cheerful whistling , the beeps were almost in time.

Had to have a word with some cunt bus driver who overtook me too close on a corner and nearly twatted me with the rear end of his cunt bus. In fairness to him, after an initial protestation of innocence he did apologise.

The world is getting strange. Saw Tom Watson doing the hoffmeister bear dance across a pedestrian crossing in Penge last night. Rode through a swarm of bees in Herne Hill this morning. Also got knocked off because some twat unnecessarily slammed on the anchors, causing another twat to swerve into my path which in turn caused me to swerve into the front of the van that was pulled up half-way across the wrong side of the road. Happy days.

Saw (heard) some tit with a megaphone berating pedestrians at the top of Tooley Street for not finishing their crossing while the green man was on

There is no legal obligation for pedestrians to do so in the UK, right? You're allowed to cross the road wherever and whenever (apart from marked exceptions and motorways), I think the only thing the highway code states you must do is not to 'loiter' on the crossing. Everything else is a strong suggestion at best.

I either missed that or the megaphone was drowned out by the violinist playing vivaldi to a dance beat.

It was ridiculous there was nobody on the crossing he was saying it to people patiently waiting on the pavement to cross.

He was cycling about 5-10 meters behind me and there was nobody crossing when I went through and when I heard his stupid siren and then shouting I turned round and there was nobody i could see near him.

Got a feeling if you carry a megaphone on your cycle to work then you are just looking for excuses to use it, I saw him about to turn onto Tooley street and instantly thought he was going to be aggro

I love that guy in the morning. Perks me right up before the shit show that is London Bridge

Oh I see, that kind of guy. I mean I'm all for cyclist solidarity but that sounds like someone waiting to be punched in the face. Just hearing a megaphone siren like that directly behind me would almost do it, to be honest - I'm pretty sensitive to very sudden loud noises.

I quite often see a guy cycling around with a megaphone in the Oxford Street/Regent Street area. He normally stops outside shops/banks/businesses and starts a one man protest about how corrupt or unethical the particular place is.
Thats my bike/megaphone story.

sensitive to very sudden loud noises

Snowflake! Joke, I’m the same, had some weapon shout right in my ear as he was close passing me (a fellow cyclist I might add). Till that point he was silent and I was trying to negotiate some dodgy terrain on a massive cargo bike. Literally one of the most annoying things that’s happened to me while riding.

Yeah exactly, I can't help it, my adrenaline immediately spikes. The more, the less noise there was previously, and the less I expect something like that to happen.

Same with my girlfriend's dog: out in the park there's already dogs being loud and I expect it, so I don't mind the barking at all. Inside if it's nice and quiet and I'm drinking a cup of coffee and then suddenly there's a loud "RUFF" resonating off the walls... it puts me on edge for a good minute.

Rode in, power went off at work and will be off all day. Now heading home in the sunshine.
#cyclingisworking

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Inside if it's nice and quiet and I'm drinking a cup of coffee and then suddenly there's a loud "RUFF" resonating off the walls... it puts me on edge for a good minute.

Likewise. The closest I've come to shitting myself as an adult was recently when my wife knocked over a clothes airer, which made the most cacophonous noise. The effect was roughly quadrupled by the fact that she realised she had knocked it and did that sharp-intake-of-breath thing that is usually reserved for nervous car passengers. That absolutely maximised my sensitivity for whatever was going to happen next (which I couldn't see) and there was then a moment's pause, while the airer teetered precariously, before falling over with a sound like satan throwing his drumkit down the stairs.

I think I saw him the other day. He was complaining about people watching cricket and then saying that we need to ban reproduction.

Sounds like a fellow adherent to the voluntary human extinction movement http://www.vhemt.org/

a sound like satan throwing his drumkit down the stairs.

Wonderful turn of phrase