Jokes / Joke du jour!

what are paedophiles favourite shoes

Vans

Three jokes in one. Value.

The missus reckons that you must follow through when you threaten children with punishment but I've crapped myself twice today and they still won't listen.

my friend has fallen on hard times and has taken to living in a dark cupboard,
you have to feel for him

"Doctor, I've got that urine sample, but I should probably let you know I drank a whole bottle of Bombay Sapphire beforehand!"

"In your wee, gin?"

"Legen, jeg har den urinprøven, men jeg burde nok fortelle deg at jeg drakk en hel flaske "Bombay Sapphire" på forhånd."

Man goes into pharmacy in Sweden:

"Excuse me, do you have any deodorant?"

"Ball or aerosol?"

"Neither, I want it for my armpits."

why does Sweden figure?

Because aerosol doesn’t really sound like ‘arse hole’ unless you say it in a comedy Scandinavian lilt?

oh! maybe

As Roman Atkinson, I think, demonstrated they did this as a sketch on Not The Nine O’Clock News 40 years ago.

https://youtu.be/d6IBiR9m3vY

I like jokes with comedy accents.

Q: Who is a pirate's favorite RnB singer?

A: Arrr Kelly.

(I will also accept "Ashanti" / "a shanty")

Sweden

Scottish accent, surely? Swedish/scandi would just make it err-o-suul ime.

Except if you´re Rowan Atkinson obviously, lol.

I'm only an hour into my semaphore course and I'm already starting to flag.

Just been to the hospital to get a mole checked. Apparently, they all look like that, and I should have just left in the garden.

Just been to the hospital to get a mole checked. Apparently, they all look like that, and I should have just left in the garden.

Made me lozzles!

My twin brother just called me from prison. He said ‘so you know how we finish each others’ sentences?...’

Excellent last three gags.

What famous castle was badly damaged by smoke back in 1992?

Roy.

Ooooof!

Windsor.
Roy Castle's lung damage was probably a lot earlier following his club and theatre career but was discovered in 1992.
Badum tish!
Am I doing it right?

No. You can ruin anything with facts.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SpTXW8IsDBM

https://www.lfgss.com/comments/14724464/

...and subsequent comments :)

It's only physics if it's from the Physique region of France. Otherwise it's just sparkling math.