Jokes / Joke du jour!

I don’t want to just palm you off with any old joke.

I used to tell a good one armed joke, but they banned it.

Can you hear that?

Can you hear me not slow clapping?

Right now I'm giving the finger to puns.

Darling, would now be a good time to try that fisting we've been talking about?

I once went to see a low-budget production of a play about a man with a broken arm.

the cast was terrible.

Did you hear the one about the one armed fisherman?

It was this big.

Jeremy Beadle has a small penis.

Although on the other hand it’s quite big

You can do one

But only one. All I got.

Did you hear about the one armed waiter? They could dish it out but couldn't take it too.

Something something book something something a farewell to arms

Just had a phone call telling me my grief counsellor has died. He did such a good job I don't give a shit.

I've been reading a horror story in Braille, but something bad is about to happen, I can feel it.

I never wanted to believe that my Dad was stealing from his job as a road worker. But when I got home all the signs were there...

Reminds me of:
"I saw an ad for a double entendre competition. I was thinking of entering my dad".

Excellent dad jokes!

See also; A woman walks into a bar and asks for a double entendre. So the barman gives her one.

Been asking the missus for ages to sexually stimulate me with a key ring but she just keeps fobbing me off.

"I saw an ad for a double entendre competition. I was thinking of entering my dad".

Yasss!

Geekiest joke for a while:

What did David Bowman say to the wildcard dictionary search? “Oh my god, it’s full of st*rs”

What’s the difference between oral sex and anal sex?

Oral sex makes your day, anal sex makes you whole week.

Is that the Kleene version of that joke?

#niche

RIP boiling water

You will be mist

Do you have any books on turtles?
Hardback?
Yes, with little flippers

There have been reports of a collision between a lorry carrying tortoises and a van full of terrapins

It's a turtle disaster