I hate

Yeah, i’m Gonna keep non-lethal missiles on the window ledge to chuck, ultrasonic scarers, citrus peel and I might have a go at cat-proofing the fence as well. As I said, I like cats. Just not living among their disgusting shit.

Cat shit is disgusting.
Fox poo. That's worse.

Goose poo. Who knew they made so much mess?

My mum has a super-soaker for the squirrels. Maybe try that.

I like to imagine her going all Dude Nucum on their asses.

Or take inspiration from that General Lucifer / reprographics story about the squirrels and shoot them.

Oh Jesus, fox poo is revolting. We get lots in our garden (I think there's a den in the grounds behind our garden). So glad they seem to use some other poor saps gaff as their toilet.

I would really recommend sprinkling chilli down if there's a regular spot where cat's shit that you don't want them too. It seems to last for about a week.

Dude Nucum on their asses.

I wasn't aware of the gay porn parody sequel to Duke Nukem

Shake it baby.

Genuine lol!

It was an Easter egg.

Does your mother know?

IT "support" staff who, when asked to perform their job, treat you with the same contempt they would a steaming turd forced through their letterbox. You fuckers are one HR call away from having to meet a sales target at your local fucking Curry's, so do your fucking job and try and crack a smile while you do it.

walking, talking caricature cunts.

The use of "fire" as an adjective.

Autocorrect. Worst tech idea elver.

Most smartphone/tablet implementations of it have the particularly evil behaviour of, when you press space/comma/full-stop, choosing a word from the predictive-text dictionary over what you actually typed. If you're not dyslexic, this means its error rate is high.

Just do this?

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That's what I end up doing, but I foolishly give it a new chance with new devices.

Autocorrect. Worst tech idea elver.

I lol’d.

Software updates that clearly make using your tablet/smartphone a more difficult/unpleasant experience.

We used to have that problem. I then took a 9pm piss on the places the fox enters and exits every day for around a week and they stopped appearing. Foxes aren’t keen on unfamiliar smells!

Actually we get foxes in our garden but not their poo, luckily! (I worded it badly in that post!)
I really like having them pop by, as long as they don’t shit everywhere. It’s just cat shit we get.

Vodafone. "Hey! Let's 'upgrade' our automated service so it takes three weeks to do something that used to take five minutes. Oh! And while we're at it we'll delete your username so you can't log on to our website either" Fuck you, you're only a customer

Drivers who think turning their hazards on gives them a free pass to drive however fucking idiotically they please.

Cloaking device innit?

Being charged 25% extra for non standard milk

What's non standard milk?

Organic?

I usually buy organic milk as I (possibly incorrectly) assume the cows have a marginly less shit life than regular dairy herds.

Possibly not milk - almond/soy/mung bean or other not milk milk