I hate

Frozen peas. As opposed to frozen petit pois. Why the fuck would you buy the former over the latter? What’s wrong with people?!

Ones posher.
(If ones butler purchases petit pois)

if ones butler purchases petit pois

How else am I supposed to acquire food?

have staff that grow it on one's estate

I just eat my staff.

can get in the fucking sea

Amazing! That's exactly where I ended up. How did you know?

post #metoo i am not sure that noshing on your batman is appropriate

Eat my staff, James...

touche

#showmeonthedollwherehetouchedyou

I say "bidons" to people, like my support crew during a race, to make sure they know I want a bidon and not, say, a bottle of coke.

I say Campy Gruppo when mocking that annoying groupset because I know it winds up the four people who like still like Campy ;)

Wrong. As ecksplayned above.

Now can we all just regroupement and enjoy our bonification?

I hate being told over the phone to bring a bike in to a shop, only for the people in the shop to tell me I need to book a slot for it and bring it back later. 30min each way pushing a fucked bike. Thanks.

insurance claim going well?

People that stand anywhere other people are likely walking. Especially the cunts that just stop.

They're called 'Plain' in Oz because they have no -flavour- added and so far as I know you couldn't buy unsalted plain chips back then. Oh we call the chips too so double fuck yeah.

I didn't know you were that flexible!

I've not heard shit from crash insurance. This is for the one where my bike was run into while locked up in office.

He looked pretty fat, yeah. He came into my shop on Saturday afternoon and bought some tyres and bits. He does indeed have a big white beard and looked rather like Robin Guthrie does now, which was odd. He’s very nice tho.

But yeah, Halloween costumes? FFS.

I'm not. Any more.

I guess once you've achieved your goal, there's less incentive for repeat performances.

Back ache and jizzy nose.

Fuck that noise.

People who are so fucking impatient that they have to burn their garden off cuts rather than wait for it to decompose. Burning leaves can get fucked.

Very much this. There’s a guy who’s garden kind of diagonally backs on to mine who’s always at it, somehow making my kitchen smell more of burning than it does already.

"Pudding" when referring to dessert, especially when it isn't a fucking pudding.
Afters is perfectly acceptable.

What are you supposed to eat after supper then?