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Josh
What the fuck did you just fucking say about me, you little bitch? I’ll have you know I am at the top of the Strava segments in my part of town, and I’ve been involved in numerous crits, and I have over 300 KOMs.
I am trained in interval sprinting and I’m the top climber in the entire US bicycling subreddit. You are nothing to me but just another Fred. I will wipe you the fuck out with my quads the likes of which has never been seen before on this Earth, mark my fucking words.
You think you can get away with saying that shit to me over the Internet? Think again, fucker. As we speak I am doing a 200k gravel ride and your Strava account is being traced right now so you better prepare for the storm, maggot. The storm that wipes out the pathetic little thing you call your life. You’re fucking dead, kid. I can be anywhere, anytime, on any bike and I can out-sprint you in over seven hundred ways, and that’s just with my commuter bike.
Not only am I extensively trained in descending dusty gravel single track, but I have access to the entire arsenal of the United States Cycling Federation and I will use it to its full extent to sprint your miserable ass off the face of the continent, you little shit. If only you could have known what unholy retribution your little “clever” comment was about to bring down upon you, maybe you would have held your fucking tongue.
But you couldn’t, you didn’t, and now you’re paying the price, you goddamn idiot. I will cycle fury all over you and you will drown in it.
You’re fucking dead, kiddo.